Returning to the Village of Neulasta

Remember back in the late '70 the TV series "Fantasy Island" with Ricardo Montelbain as Mr. Roarke (did you remember to roll your "R"s) and Herve Villechieze as Tattoo..."De plane, De plane." The visitors to the island would have their fantasies come true within the 44 minutes of the show (16 minutes were commercials).  So today, I am not returning to Fantasy Island for sure, the trip is 3 hours, with no commercials, this is reality TV...I don't have any fantasies in my idle mind.     I am going to the nasty Village of Neulasta, where the Marquis de Sade welcomes you, for "de shot, de shot".  What happened you asked?  Didn't I write that I was going to get to skip beatings by the villagers?  Well, not so fast. 

I did my homework, books, Google, Wiki, Breast Cancer Bulletin Boards.  When Mr. Onco Doctor's nurse mentioned on day 6 (crushing back labor, followed by massive drug doses) that they would not have to give me the Neulasta shot, but it could prolong the chemo cycles. That gave me plenty of time for research.  I found pretty quickly that prolonged cycles could mean up to 7 weeks between treatments.  Meaning that chemo would be upgraded to a 42 week cycle---don't think so!!   They could not be sure, I would get to drive up on day 21, have blood drawn, wait for the results to see if my numbers were strong enough, then I could have my treatment, or go home and come back on  days 28, 36, 42 or until my numbers were in range.  With gas hovering at $4.00 a gallon (Armada gets 16 MPG on a good day--and I am sooo cheap), and me wanting the control stick, no way was I going to trade in my sure 21 day cycle for a well, maybe 42 days cycle.  And feel worse.  At yesterday's Onco Dr. appointment, he gave me three options. Option  #1  Suck it up, take the shot (and beatings),  Option #2 take a less effective shot, in the same drug family that required daily trips for 3-7 days, with blood test every day---oooh, gas and control stick issues---or Option #3 take no shots or beatings - but in addition to the unknown cycle length, I would probably land in the hospital a couple of times with massive infections (septis made the list), and would feel really fatigued, and have to stay home lots---Those folks at MD Anderson really know how to pitch the shot, don't they.  Where do I sign up for Option #1?  

Before I signed on the dotted line, in blood--from my ratty looking chemo port, the Marquis de Sade (Onco Doctor) and I had to have what we call in our family "a come to Jesus meeting" regarding information dispensed by his nurses in the infusion clinic and the non-hole punched product information sheet that accompanied my last beating (Neulasta shot)  I stated quite firmly that his nurses indicated that I was to take no pain killers or NSAID, but could take Claritin for the pain---they wanted be to be awake and in pain in case my spleen decided to pop.    The Marquis was shocked, he had never heard of such a off label use for Claritin, and certainly didn't prescribe it for such. Further, I could take any pain relievers, starting four hours before and there after as long as I had no fever prior to taking them, including the more yummy narcotic drugs.    Excellent, your offices are 20 feet apart, you are all on the same team, but everyone has a different play book.  Hello, you are suppose to be #1, these little hiccups can cause a team to lose the Super Bowl...or at the very least drop the ball.    Heck, these are rookie mistakes that are worked out in the preseason, not now, mid-season. Since we all have the same play book now, I have decided to be my own quarterback, a la Peyton Manning---I will call my own drug plays for trips to the village.   So, with glazed drug filled eyes, I am going back to the Village of Neulasta today.  I took a Claritin just in case, have my yummy drugs in my purse incase we are gone longer than 2.5 hours, along with my thermometer. I have my ice packs, heating equipment and nausea meds waiting on the bedside table.  I will have the control stick this time---I am the windshield---but will probably be bug for the next day or two.    I am learning to be a little more demanding of my caregiving team---had them dial back the benedryl yesterday to pre-slobber stage, I could actual complete a sentence when I got home.  My numbers were excellent---that is why I am feeling so good...lets keep it that way, 4 days of pain every 21 days---24 days for entire treatment cycle---yeah, I can do that.  Prayers for the kindness of villagers, and that the pain killers taken when in pain are more effective than not taking them.