PTTSD

 PTTSD

Yeah, you read that right, P-double T-S-D Karen speak for Post Traumatic Toilet Syndrome Disorder.  No need to go to the doctor or consult Dr. Google, I know my symptoms and it is clear that I have an advance case.  What are the recognizable symptoms, you ask?  

City sewer system vs septic tank systems - septic tanks tend to be a tad more fussy of “waste” products and require “microbial feedings” on a regular basis--while power lines are underground here in the woods (think Ice and snow) -sewers tend to be an every man for himself kinda thing. Check

One ply vs two ply - we are Charmin red mega roll folks-strong yet soft, so two ply.  The owner had provided plenty of industrial wrapped one ply, but breakthrough and length of our stay said we would be bring in some of 2020 hoarded mega rolls..as we are discriminating consumers of this necessity.  We have in the past discussed how to load said mega roll of two ply paper-Eddie has ruled we have paper roll forward…read extra sheets used on each visit.  Check

Toto vs Koehler toilets - we are potty snobs.  The Japanese learned how to do the toilet low water tanks - regardless of where it goes, once you go, one flush takes care of business…no charging for the butt hickey.  While Koehler claims you can flush a bunch of golf balls down, they must be using city sewers.  This house has four Koehler with on trend flushing handles, non city sewers… so, check. 

Plunger scavenger hunt  - most rentals have an plunger… one that is appropriate for the style toilet trap…trap being the operative word here.      It is generally located either in the bathroom, or in a highly visible location.  Behind the laundry sink, on the lowest floor,  behind the dryer and not visible when there is a stopped up toilet is not a good place. Check

Shared sewer line with main floor bathrooms (most frequently visited) and master bathroom shower-can you see where this is going?  Yup, you guessed it.  Check

Hand scraped tongue and grooved dark stained floors that serve as the ceiling for the floor below-with attracted cotton chenille fuzzy bathroom floor mats.  Check

Unfinished lower level storage room with Radon equipment, HVAC, tankless water system and the cross cross apple sauce of sewer lines that get lost in the HVAC ductwork…yay!  There are also 10 inter tubes for floating, 8 fabric beach chairs, a set of Carolina Panther cornhole games and some leftover cedar beams.  Check

When last I wrote, we were welcoming Joe to our list of Clue in the Woods characters.  Well, Joe (the plumber/handy man who Lisa had to contact while in the Bahamas) was straight out of central casting.  Mad Eyed Moody from Harry Potter must have been his brother.  His left eye was not original equipment, nor was it in the right place on his face…kinda hard to make eye contact…or take your eye off of-like a mole on someone face.  His dialect was not southern-we speak southern- this was more of Mumbles from Dick Tracy.  He had his Trump Forever red bracelet on along with some heavy duty suspenders as he had nothing in the rear…it was all up front.  To be a handy man, with a major in plumbing, we found it curious that he did not have the normal tools of the trade.  PVC pipe, yes, drain snake or toilet wax ring, not so much.  

We explained that the two main floor toilets would not clear, despite our plunging efforts as  failed to clear the clog, and we could see water (gray water, as it is referred to in the insurance industry) right below the surface of the drain in the slate tiled (read dark, even with light) shower.  Joe mumbled something about helping with the construction of this house, then disappeared downstairs to the unfinished storage room, which now had two 5 gallon-each half full with gray water— buckets under the leaking pipes and elbow joints.  As we sat in the living room, we heard a considerable amount of banging taking place underneath us.  Joe comes up and muttered in elaborate detail something that ends in the word “tampon”…to which I replied, “nope, would not have been me/us…as that ship sailed long ago.”  Back to his truck, then back down stairs, no tools mind up you, more banging, then up the steps and more mumbling and muttering that ended in “rotor router and cell signal”.  “Okay”, I said “there is a landline if you have the number”. He snapped his rubber Trump bracelet and said something about HVAC ductwork, sewer pipe and one more try.  Bang, bang bang….Followed by another go at the plunger, then a housewide “swish” occurred.  Problem solved.  Joe was on his way.  I returned to our bathroom to find the floor, 3 chenille bath mats wet and our slate shower more than just wet—-dripping and  full of wet toilet paper.  Can we get a big ewwww?    Eddie, in true Eddie form crinkled his nose and told me that would have to be cleaned up….you think?  So, guess what I got to do?  I love cleaning up these kinds of messes  and for bonus cleanup, there is the unfinished storage room, 10 floats, assorted beach chairs and cornhole game.  Glad I

I paid a damage deposit on the house, those new gorilla shelves (pressed wood) just might be refreshed/replaced.    

Can you see why I have PTTSD?  I hold my breath each time I shower or flush the toilet.  I have gone to the lower level to go to the bathroom, as Mumbling Joe told us (we think), it is a straight shot to the septic tank, no shared lines, wood floor or fuzzy white rugs,  no elbow joints, land run all the way…and I can put the seat down, lid, too.  Nighttime runs are a little tricker, but better than the alternative…just saying.  I need to get back to sleep without listen for signs of clogged toilets.      So, to circle back and demonstrate how my mind is wired…Eddie leaves the lid/seat up for a good and practical reasons-to make my cleanup less when the toilet overflows.  Our mystery game of Clue, which included the ghost flushing toilet, now might include a tampon….still think my initial guess was correct.  As she, Jalissa, had to be postponed due to the toilet drama on Friday, I will ask on Monday…maybe.  

A Classic Game of Clue-NC Woods Edition

Today, we have an Eddie story wrapped up in a mystery.  I have told you a little about our Cabin by the river…and it’s proud owner, Lisa.  Lisa is a gal after my own OCD heart, everything is where is suppose to be, thanks to her handy label machine.  Lisa and her husband own 6 different properties here In the 3B (Blowing Rock/Boone/Banner Elk) area.  She is/was a realtor that lives in the Charlotte area and collects rental properties like charms on a Pandora bracelet…so pre Covid.    Guess she gets a jump on the diamonds in the rough, or sprinkles her cards around the ‘hood.  This cabin, however, is her pride and joy.  It is located on a road with about 10-15 houses along the riverfront/mountainside…some are clearly rentals, some are the original owners (think 70-80 year olds)…most have a similar exterior log cabin kinda sorta look.  This house was a tear down, build from scratch, with lots of high end features that say residence not rental. While there are bigger and nicer in the area, this is right up there on the better to best scale.    Pride and joy come at a hefty price, weeds out the riff raff of renters.  With a 6 week rental, she “gave” me 2 mid rental period cleanings on her dime,  my heart says “oh, that is so sweet!”  My OCD head says, “she is checking up on her investment.”   Eddie and I just scream riff raff.  

I have always been the hunter and gatherer-labor.  Eddie enjoys the role of Master of the Manor -whether at home or traveling -management.  But we all knew that…just refreshing your memory.  If we do not have an adventure planned, and it is not time for our walk, Eddie is content stitching a stocking, reading a book or watching yet another women’s beach volleyball game on the Olympics.  I prefer watching Snoop Dog and Kevin Hart’s highlight reel on YouTube.  I needed to get out and wander…which can take 2-3 hours based on where I am headed.  Yesterday, was one of those days.  I was up and gone around 11:00…the only car in the driveway was gone.    Eddie, being Eddie, needed a post late breakfast pre walk nap.  The bedroom is equipped with pull down shades that make it a dark cozy room, even on a sunny day.  When I returned around 2:00, his first question was “Did I (Karen) double back to the house?”  Nope.  “Did I lock the front door when I left?” (It has one of those handy digital keyless door locks)  Yup.  I ask “Why?”  “Hmmm, that is strange” responses Eddie. “I could have sworn I heard someone in the house, I heard footsteps (wood floors-creak, creak), a couple of coughs (yikes, covid cooties) and a toilet flush while I was lying down (note, not admitting to a nap, just lying down).”  

We have gathered our list of suspects. 

 Frat boys-2 doors down is a obvious rental.  Around the first of the month, a large paneled yellow rental truck pulls in, out jumps three college guys.  First order of business, the folding beer pogo table, red solo,cups and paddles was set up riverside…priorities.   The truck stayed for a couple of days but has been replaced by a steady flow of college cars.  “You honk, we drink” boldly displayed on their welcome sign.  Could one of them been by to borrow a cup of beer?  While these digital locks are good, the frequently used digits are obvious,  Not sure how often she changes the code.  

Wednesday is trash day.  Love the private contracted trash guy.  Cans are riverside, he comes and takes the garbage out, we just have to get it to the cans.  Eddie has spotted him, he is a wiry old man in a beat up pick up truck.  Knowing Lisa’s type, I am not seeing her giving him the code.  A nice Christmas bonus, but no door code.  

Lisa’s unnamed nephew that lives in the area.  Lisa and her hubby are vacating at Atlantis/Bahama this week..probably courtesy of the Pickle’s hefty rental payment.  She told me her nephew was available for any emergencies.  I suspect he is a student at App State…who knows he might even be friends with frat boys.  He would have the door code…and the keys to the 4 owner’s locked closets.  

Our neighbors next door on the left…Arrived about same time we did and are staying until after Labor Day.  Janette popped over to see if Amazon had misdelivered a package.  FedEx and UPS are regulars on the road.  She commented to Eddie that ours was so much nicer than theirs.. Said that theirs was a dirty rundown dump, with crappy internet. You know what they say, you get what you pay for.    Hmmm…how would she know how nice we were, Eddie had not invited them in for a drink or two..which we all know is so Eddie. The living room windows do not have the handy black out shades.  Peeping Toms?  

Regina and her husband.  These are the 80 year old couple, original owners on the right side of us.  Fairly sure they have the door code written down in big letters by the phone, or some such obvious place.  Not thinking them as suspects as we have watched them garden.  They have a huge pile of mulch in back yard, every day they come out and put one shovelful each into their flower beds.  Flower beds are pretty, lots of purple butterfly bushes.  But the shuffle walk would have not sounded like steps on a wooden floor.  However, their teenage grandson comes occasionally to do things around the house/yard…but not with the mulch.

Yard man and handy man, Mike.  Probably has the door code for handy man issues, but have only seen him weed eat and mow once since we have been here.

Jalissa, the cleaning gal, which conveniently is Mike’s daughter.  She is scheduled for this afternoon, not yesterday.  She would have the door code.  Did she see no car in driveway and decided to get a jump start on today’s cleaning?  

Wild card suspects include the electrician that changed out the two upstairs fans…Lisa hated the remote control only system.  Renters kept taking the remotes home.  He was given the code, but we were here for that.   Or the home appraiser that came by…apparently, Lisa and her husband are refi-ing their 6 pack of houses in a commercial loan and using the equity to buy more properties…or vaca in the Bahamas.  

My money is on Jalissa.  Eddie is creeped out enough that he has taken to hiding his wallet, watch, cell and iPad when we leave the house for our walks.  He reads too any books…Truman Capote, “In Cold Blood” comes to mind.  Stay turned, Eddie wants to put scotch tape on door like they do in the movies to see if someone has been here in our absence.  I know I could text Lisa in the Bahama…but she would send Mike, Jalissa or unnamed nephew to change the code and the cycle would start all over.  So, guess that Eddie won’t be mid day napping while I am gone.  

Just in, there will be a new suspect….Joe the plumber will be here to fix the massive water leak in the downstairs storage room (read septic system issue) ….stay tuned for details.  

Eddie is thrilled…he loves fire drills.

A failure to plan is a plan for failure

Today’s topic gave me a pause…advanced planning or cat skinning.  Not literal cat skinning-although we are in the Appalachian/Blue Ridge Mountains, after all…and several of the local produce stands boast the availability of “Possum Seasoning Hot or Mild”.  Curiosity killing the cat and all, I had to ask if eating possums (seasoned or unseasoned) was a thing here in these parts…it is actually named for Pastor Possum, a Baptist Preacher in these parts.  Apparently, it is his side hustle.  Reading the label it is a blend of the usual suspects-with hot having red pepper.  So, while it might be good on possums, cat and road kill my bet is that it would be dandy on trout, duck, chicken,  beef, pork or tofu.  

Everyone who is invited to read this blog knows that I am a proud member of the OCD/ Advanced Planners Union.  Probably a charter member, if truth be known.  I am nothing if not an advance planner when it comes to just about anything.  Christmas shopping in July-of course!  COVID has really thrown a monkey wrench into my usual well oiled machine.  There are several moving parts to Pickle Travel.  Spontaneous casual travel takes about the same time as an elephant gestational period-Asian variety to plan and execute.  (Go ahead and look it up, I will be here when you get back) I start with a concept and work on the details from there.  This trip had lots of COVID related snafus, but as we all have figured out by now, the return to normalcy is not a straight line.  About 6-7 years BC (before Covid), we determined that we wanted to be gone from Houston in the hottest part of the summer.  Eddie’s dream sequence has us owning a second house in the lower than Rockies Appalachian Mountain area of western North Carolina.  After Harvey and the February freeze, I regard this as a nightmare scenario…so, our negotiated settlement is that we spend every other summer here-and the off summer exploring the Northern parts of ‘Murica.  Glad this was not a “other” year as the heat wave and forest fires in Washington and Oregon were not on our “must see” list.  

As this is our third extended stay here, we no longer feel the need to explore.  We are content with long walks in the woods and streams, sitting on the deck watching the world go by, and going out to eat a couple of times a week.  George and Lauren are both scheduled to come-on American Airlines-gasp! Hope they (American Airlines) get their personnel issues sorted out in the coming week.  L, D & G are still in the explore phase of life…and a Pickle “all inclusive” would just not be the same without some new  adventures.  The grands are still of an age that the magic bar is pretty low-s’mores by the river, River rock collecting and a trip to Tweetsie (a total throw back 1955 amusement park). Drew is easy-fish, fish, fish.  Lauren can be bought with a massage and a couple of extra sets of hands to help with the kids.  George-hmmm, that is a little more complicated.  During Covid he has upped his cooking skills, so that foodie bar is high.  There are three areas within in a 20 mile range that have worthy venues.  Blowing Rock-charming mostly tourists of a certain age (read over 55) with disposal income.  Restaurants get 4.5-5 stars on the Eddie scale.  Boone, home of Appalachian State University, much younger vibe with food options heavy of fried, kale, tempeh and tofu-but there a few diamonds in the dust. 4.0 on the Eddie scale.  Finally, there is Banner Elk-much more kid friendly as there is mountain activities, lots of disposal income and traffic that looks like Kingwood Drive when the high school lets out, a train is on the tracks up front, with a side order of lane closures due to road work.  There are more than a few Yelp 4.5-5 star rated places in the Banner Elk area which is 10 miles away.  This brings me to my OCD chart.  Covid has made restaurants review their business models-days open, shorter hours, take out or no take out which has left a certain “toilet paper hoarding” feel when it comes to getting restaurants reservations.  I had to make a chart to determine which days-some are only open 4 days, some 5, some 7, closing days vary- hours start early-all Luby like at 4:30 and end 8:00 early, some you have to call and leave a message, some through Resy, some Open Table, some are no reservations taken.  My personal favorite reservation hassle is Eddie’s favorite place when we are here-you must call (good luck with that in the mountains if you have Verizon, as this is AT&T country) at 12:00 exactly two weeks before your requested day…after 3 weeks of daily noon phone calls, we have yet to even talk to a live person…the food just ain’t that good in my book. You can pretty much forget that “Hey, let’s pop out for dinner, tonight”…we are eating a lot of BLT’s…or pimento cheese sandwiches (it is a big thing here)  when spontaneous meets no tables available.  

To further entice George to join us, I planned a trip back home via the Kentucky Bourbon Trail and New Orleans.  They don’t call NOLA the Big Easy for nothing.  15 minutes start to finish, all reservations and activities booked, paid for and calendared…with flexible cancellations policies.  PBoom.  After all, who goes to NOLA in early September-heat, humidity and the possibility of weather related drama.  I understand we will again be wearing our fashionable masks…unless we aren’t.  The Bourbon Trail is another story all together.  When we first came to NC, Bourbon had not been discovered by the 30 somethings.  At House Pickle, we never undiscovered it.  While we have matured from our early bourbon drinking-think bourbon and coke in the football stadium in college.  The smell of bourbon wafting through the stands just says “are you ready for some SEC football”.  Apparently,  OU and UT want to be part of the true football experience..2025.  And to think they laughed at A&M for leaving the Big 12, or whatever it was named before.  Liquor in NC is State run stores-ABC stores and they are few and far between.  On our first trip, I stumbled (physically) into the display cases (yes, cases) of this Bourbon with the little horse figure on top.  Thought that was a stupid marketing gimmick and picked up my regular Bottle of Crown and left.    Fast forward, Blanton and the little horsey top is now the Unicorn among Bourbon snobs.  Yeah, went back this year-same store only gets 6 bottles every two months.  Well played Sazerac Company.  When Bourbon fell out of favor in the 1990-2000, lots of old standards were gobbled up by large corporations….marketing, supply and demand, and scarcity has made Buffalo Trace (owned by the Sazerac Corporation) home to what amounts to the hottest brands out there.  So, of course, no Bourbon Trail tour  would be complete without a Tour of Buffalo Trace-the Old Taylor Tour, if you please.  Remember, I started this 650 days ago (Asian elephant gestation).  Markers Mark, Woodford, Willett, Four Roses check, check, check…not all in one day, but I am the designated driver, so, all is good.  Buffalo Trace-holy Buffalo, if I thought NC restaurants were tough-this is one for the ages.  There are numerous tours at different facilities and multiple times of day and night (pre covid).  There is a maximum 20 people per tour due to Covid protocols, but only 17 slots publicly available.  The gift shop and visitor center is open to people who do not have a booked confirmed reservation, but you might have to wait up to one hour outside to come in and no tasting will be permitted.  Good grief, it is easier to get an audience with Pope Francis and I understand he serves wine.  Early on (like February) when the country started to emerge from the covid caves, I attempted to book.  Nope, dates had not opened, when I checked back, dates seemed to come up,only two months out, but when?  I started a light hearted email communication with the front office of BF.  Vera and I become email pals.  She explained that the slots come open on the first Tuesday of the month for the upcoming month (August for September) at 9:00 in the morning.  Well, on Tuesday, August 3rd, at 8:30, I logged in to attempt to get one of the coveted September 1st, 11:30 Old Taylor Tour slots.    My number in line was #412, then it was #762, and by 9:00 it was #3623-say what?   My understanding from my Vera notes was that there were no ticket brokers, tour guides, etc allowed to obtained tickets or slots or bots.  So, why was I losing ground?  At 10:30, my unfreshed browser said I was #1512 and would have 5 minutes to complete my transaction.  Seriously.  I decided to “reach out” to my email pen pal, Vera, and ask her if I was just stupid or was there a technical reason…I will spare you the flowery sugary language.  BOOM, within in the 5 minutes it took to receive an response from Vera, I was at #1790, but had secured the 3 tickets on September 1st-Covid Karen style.  Like I said, more than one way to skin a cat….with or without Possum Seasoning.  

Weather report from somewhere in the Blue Ridge Mountains - clear blue skies, slight breeze, low humidity and temps in low 70’s.  

On your southern watch list of things to be on look out for (as all good things originate in the South)—-BOGG bags - think Croc bags for the beach-and like Crocs, accept no substitutes, Enewton jewelry for your teen-young adults that aren’t into the size of Kendra Scott, and Ingram’s Bourbon 94 rated, only available in Kentucky and Tennessee and a limited number of mail order states…not Texas.