Thursday, March 26, 2020

Cootie Shot

"Circle circle, dot dot,  Now you've got a cootie shot!"
"Circle circle, square square, I don't have them anywhere!"




Gosh, how I long for those simpler times!  Remember out on the playgrounds when Boy "X" would touch, tag, hit Girl "Y"?  There would be the collective groan of the other girls...and "she has boy cooties" until she received the magic upper arm cootie shot....usually administered by the self annoted "girl leader".  Of course, the boys would dissolve into laughter, until they were the one being chased and given the Cooties.  Then, the game would reverse flow and begin again.  We all survived numerous exposures to Cooties, lots of cootie shots and eventually decided that opposite sex probably were not so bad after all.  How I wish the solution to our problem could be that simple.  

As we are all staying at home these days, it gives you way too much time on our hand to  collectively worry about the Cooties that are outside of the four (be it comfortable) walls.  I have tried, not successfully, to not look at the News feed on my phone, nor on television, more than a couple of times a day. Pressing Refresh  buttons does not count as exercise.   So, that leaves a pair of idle hands... my, my, my...some how our current game of Cootie keeps sucking me back in.  So, here  I am currently googling what to do with 5-7 organic browned speckled bananas (thanks, HEB pick up, twice) and how to make a homemade ventilator from a CPAP machine.  CPAP for those who do not snore or have sleep apnea is a bedside friend that provides continuous positive airway pressure (hence, the acronym CPAP) while you sleep.  "Snuffy"(think Mr. Shuffleupgus from Sesame Street) for short at Pickle World.  Eddie has been sleeping with me and Snuffy for almost 20 years. It is this love triangle that keeps me in the bedroom at night.   Traditional insurance provided for a new one every 3-4 years, Medicare 5 years.  As technology changes in CPAPs about every 4-5 years (glacial, I know), we have a current model and a back up.  Prior to Harvey we had 4 old Snuffy's in the upper most reaches of our bathroom storage cabinet.  Post Harvey, we are fit and trimmed down with to 2 models.  Rats.   If James Dyson can figure out in 10 days how to marry his fan and vacuum cleaners into a CoVent (yes, that is the name) ventilator, surely, there is some way to take a CPAP and make is both blow and suck....I have an old vacuum, medical hoses and duct tape, this should be a piece of cake, right?  The browning bananas after you have made ice cream, cookies and banana bread are proving to be more of a problem.  Brown bananas and/or homemade ventilator, GO!

Two Eddie moments, as I would not call them stories.  Before Baby County Judge Hildago (we miss you, Ed Emmett) announced a stay at home order---she did not like the sound of the word "lockdown", Eddie had completed his shopping list for the furniture that will be part of his CoVid Collection...lots and lots of wood.  Fearing that hardware and lumber yards would be part of the "lockdown" he has been up late at night finishing the plans and list.    I told him to just order it and have it delivered from Lowe's or Home Depot.  He said he need to look and feel his wood---all "Wood Whisper" kind of thing.  Of course, to get wood here in the vehicles we currently have, my car is the logical choice.   (yes, there have been pick up trucks -rental and to own googled in the last few days)     3 children's car seats would have be disengaged from the frame of the car and put into their storage bags.  Guess who---see Harvey division of Labor for a hint. Two are easy, Lucy's typically stays in places as it take lots of wrestling and advance yoga moves to get it out.   Two of three rows of seats down...  I gave him a mask, disposable gloves--not for the wood but for the keypads to check out, duh, lysol  and told him to be careful...cooties live on wood for x amount of time---and don't even ask about metal screws and knobs.  Off he goes, no cell phone, no mask, no gloves---3 hour, 2 trips and 3 different stores, Eddie returns home and begins unpacking all of the wood.  My neighbor's sewing room and long arm quilting machine overlook our driveway...she sends me a text asking what Eddie is building.  I told her he was planting a toilet paper garden.  Stay tuned...

Second Eddie moment.  Are you aware that in an effort to give kids something to smile about Elementary teachers all over Texas are having car parades going by the neighborhood's of their school and students' homes?  There have been several route posted on Nextdoor...even Waller ISD where Grace and Eli go to school are doing it, granted neighborhood is several miles, but kids are making posters honking horns and waving like crazies...typical day with the grandkids, just standing on county roads in traffic.    There are also Neighborhood "Bear Hunts" around the Houston Metro area.  It is based on a preschool/early primary book and song...Goin' on a Bear Hunt.  Well, to support the hunt, you are to place a bear (or bears) in a window visible to the street and kids and parents can walk, drive, bike by and count the bears...look for your weekend on Facebook or NextDoor.  I knew I had a bear--be it a 1987 Pink Care Bear--but while looking for it and possible other bears, I found my 60th birthday piñata (a 4 foot tall Karen Piñata).  Well, long story short, I put the piñata and bear in the large foyer window...on Tuesday, on Wednesday I moved the dynamic duo to the dining room windows, today to the upper stairs bedroom.   Actually, I was looking for the place to see it from the street without coming into the yard. Cooties can jump, i have been told.   Eddie is lost in Wood World, so every time it appears in a new place, it scares him....kinda like "Boo" got you.  Never gets old...gaslighting Eddie.  May put it in the bed this weekend on my side.  Who said "lockdown" doesn't have its laughable/teachable moments.

Hope this finds you all healthy...with lots of toilet paper.







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