Ding, Dong, Ditch

 About the time we were getting ready for dinner,  our Captain came on the in cabin speaker.  It was not the 7 short blast and 1 long one, so we are not in any danger, but since this is only the second time since we departed, we paid attention.   So, the cold front that pushed its way south has somehow ended up in the Western Atlantic and the forecast caused our Bermudan port on Tuesday, November 11th to be cancelled. Surprise, you win yet another day at sea!  99% chance of strong storms and 55 mph winds….again.  Didn’t we just do this on the other side of the Atlantic?  He blamed it on the RCCL Chief Meteorologist and Corporate Safety Officers.  Global warming or just bad luck?  As we are traveling diagonal south, I doubt we will see the same rough seas. Good thing, they have used all the green apples. I do feel sorry for those folks that are first time cruisers….this has been an interesting cruise. 

We ditched Ed-2 and Betsy last night (advanced notice required) and had dinner with Robert and Nancy Dillard last night.  For those of you who know the Dillards, you can just skip this part.  For those of you that don’t, Robert and Nancy have been part of the Kingwood scene since we arrived in 1985.  While our children are not the same ages (Greg just turned 50), our sports were not the same, we have been part of their orbit off and on since 1985.  For those of you that are making your outfit selection for the annual MAC luncheon (Mothers Against Cancer), you can thank Nancy and her wingman, Maggie for that.  Nancy and Robert are those kind of friends that we  don’t see often, but are like a comfortable pair of shoes…no break in period.  First night of the cruise we bumped into them…rather Eddie did in the men’s bathroom…over the urinal…would have loved to been a fly on that wall.  Total different mental picture than when women bump into each other in the bathroom.   They agreed we would get together and have dinner.  They were some of the 300 b2b folks.  They are on Deck 8 and eat in the Main Dining Room at 7:00.  Hmmm.  We eat in Luminae at 6:00 with Ed-2 and Betsy.  Before cruising Eddie decided we would buy a speciality dining package of 3 meals, and pay top dollar for a traditional 12 course Omakase Japanese dinner.  Eddie and Celebrity app is kinda like him and Amazon…no discussion or explanation, just point and click…and it arrives in my inbox box to put on my cruise calendar.    Amazon has formed the missing delivery truck formation in honor of Eddie on Veteran Day…thanking him for his Military Service and his continued support of the Amazon Platform…As we are moving towards the end of the cruise and we still had our three specialty nights, we decided to invite the Dillards to join us at Tuscan-the ship’s Italian steak house…and use four of the six pack.    The other option was La Petit Chef which I call Go, Go Gadget dining.  It is interactive as the chef is a cartoon from a ceiling mounted projector that wheels around your table during the meal.  Eddie is not a fan…insert eye roll.   I am hoping the 9 kids on board got to go…including the two boys with the soccer ball.  (Glad they are not next to or above us…we have ridden the elevator with them…we are good on soccer ball and boy encounters…). 

Since Eddie’s first Dillard sighting, we have tried to coordinate a dinner.  Day two, I composed a letter (on my spiral bound notebook paper) with cell numbers, cabin number and a couple ideas.    There use to be suite letter writing material and envelopes.  The paper had our name and Suite number…necessary, no, powder puffery, yes.    Nope, gone.   I took my folded letter with Robert and Nancy Dillard printed clearly on the paper in Black Sharpie to Guest Services.  They/she assured me it would be delivered within the hour.  Two days later, cricket, cricket.   Nothing from N & R.  Well, we have been in ports.  I then picked up the phone and asked Guest Services to ring their cabin.  Nope, if I did not have a cabin number, not happening.  I guess there are stalkers even on ships-late nights, liquor packages and lots of at sea days…and they say getting around medical privacy is hard.  Finally, I decided to go to the Suite Host…Toni with and “i”, male, not Nora, the manager.  I asked what I could do to get a message to N & R since it was obvious my note was delivered to the circular file (trash can).  I explained we had known them for 40 years and had been at their house for a function a week or two before they left on the first leg of the cruise…even had pictures.    Toni said it was against Corporate policy.  Like any good corporate guy, money help those rules be a little less inflexible.  I finally had a Cabin number, which I won’t share…privacy issues and all.  Well, the Dillards’ Cabin phone does not go to message after four rings.  I am sure the adjacent cabins loved my constant calling…kinda like the soccer ball boys.    Not sure where they were (Nancy said playing couples canasta, Robert gave us an eye roll) but they were never in their cabin.  I used a sheet of paper from the note pad (downgrade)  and went up and put it on their door with our Cabin number and information.  Two more days…cricket, cricket.  I left mid morning to attend a Beyond the Podium lecture, told Ed to listen for the phone while I was gone.  He went outside on the balcony.  Guess when Nancy called?  The message had her current cell phone number-I was texting her old number and the fact they had just discovered my small note on the door…two days later…Nancy and I spent the next 24 hours trying to text each other…even with the much touted Celebrity app, we could not connect..which is so strange.  We are both Apple products..I get text from people on land, but one deck up, not happening.  So, I again, I took pen and paper and wrote them a note.  This time on the way to the morning program, I detoured and found their room steward.  She unlocked the Dillard’s cabin (Mr. Robert)  and placed our invitation, time and date, location and where to go early for cocktails.  Typically, as we added the Dillards and their cabin number to our Tuscan Reservation via our Butler, they should have gotten a card on their door from Tuscan 24 hours out.  N&R said they did not get that.  I went up to Tuscan at lunchtime to determine the problem so I would not go Covid Karen when we arrived.    After Betsy’s meeting, I am sure there is a guilty by association comment on our guest account.    Well, our table for 4 was in the computer, but the Dillard’s cabin number was incorrectly entered, so they sent the card to another cabin.  Corrections made.  Nancy and I finally connected on the shipboard phone line, no smoke signals were used….I had paper and a lighter and not afraid to use them.  I was kinda at my wits end.    At the assigned time, we met for cocktails then had dinner in Tuscan. Menu has changed…no Veal Chop (my fav) and no Osso Bucco (Ed’s fav). Was the waiter extra good to us, yes.  Did the chef come out after our meal to make sure everything was satisfactory, you betcha.  Was it, nope, Eddie’s fish was super dry…did we say anything…are you nuts?   We all over ate and enjoyed each other’s company…and a good laugh over communication difficulties.  Robert and I strategized over Plan B-SUV rental in Tampa and driving back should we receive greeting from the CEO of United…we are on the same flight…and cellphones will work in Tampa.  Oh yeah, Eddie decided to go green…arugula salad and steamed spinach…really? Robert and Nancy know you, who are you trying to impress?  The cherry on top was when Robert and Eddie decided to get into a roasted garlic pod eating contest.  Boys, Men, they are all the same.   Do the math, (g)reens + (g)arlic =dark and stormy night for Eddie.  I know how Ed will spend our Bermudan substituted day at sea.  

Land Ho!

 Our ship has finally moved past the “There she blows!” (clean up Deck 4) to “Land ho!” Almost.  The sure sign that we had reached calmer water was the bowls of apples disappeared and the apple infused products appeared on the buffet line on Deck 10.  Apple roasted pork loin, apple Kruger bread,  apple turnovers, apple topping for your ice cream.  Yeah, the kitchens on Deck 10 is where fruits goes to die. No brown spotted bananas.    Banana bread, anyone.  We are steaming our way to the Island of Bermuda.  Our clocks took a break last night and we did not fall back an hour.  I know we have to fall back 1 more time before we reach Tampa, not sure what that game plan is, but even Eddie has become an early riser.  The Adventure bar drops considerably after this many days at sea.  Today, 400 people showed up for the Egg Drop from deck 5 to 3.  The rails were full of cheering folks.  There were few divisions..children (there are 9 on board, bless their hearts), engineers, and regulars.  You have to devise a structure to protect the egg from things available and preferably recyclable on board ship.  We all have had way to much time on our hands.  You know it is challenging when you get a notice that the Suite Manager, Nora, is holding crochet lessons in the Retreat Lounge for Suite guests.    I should have sent Eddie down, as he excels in fabric arts.  But is was during his nap time.  

As we have little to keep ourselves busy, Eddie has gone to his “I don’t understand” mode of why things have changed so much since we last cruises Celebrity. (2022, but he complained then, too)  I think the term is unmet expectations…you wait two years for something and keep building up the dream sequence…there is no way dream will meet reality.    Happens  a lot theses days.  Enter our cruising friends from Portland…Ed-2 and Betsy.  We met them on a cruise in 2016.  There were actually 3 Ed’s on that trip.  A bit of serendipity, Ed-3 and his wife, JoAnne, are on this same trip.  Creepy..just a little.  Ed-2 is a little hard to like at first. Grumpy by nature but actually has a heart of gold.  He and Betsy have supported many young families and students dreams over the years, as they have no children of their own.  All they ask is a phone call, card, text or email to say they are being thought of or that someone out there cares. They overtip onboard like crazy (with $2 bills so they will-be remembered)…but it makes them more lovable to us. That is the plus.  The minus is they will also complain like it was an Olympic sport. They are always on the medal stand.    So,  after 13 days together (remember we were in Rome before the cruise) football games both college and pro are mostly done, the mutual anxiety about the TSA, ATC and United’s mandated cut backs, Congress-What is left? Let’s trash the food, overworked employees, cut backs in services…the list is endless. My mom had a frequently used comment, “well, it is just not as good as it use to be”. Right, Kathy?     Eddie has been on a general lack of powder puffing  soapbox since we endured the embarkation process.  Misery does love company. Eddie and Ed-2 are like two pigs in mud…wallow, wallow.  

Let’s start with the food quality.  Whether it is sourcing, cost cutting measures, staffing or whatever. Sauces on food should not have to be cut…cut with a knife..because they sat in a  big banquet warming box too long…cornstarch thickening tends to do that.  Fish should be flaky not jerky texture or mush.    In an effort to cut waste and make the operation more time efficient, they are depending on a lot of things that live in a banquet serving box far longer than need be…or are preloaded.    Best example is the Coffee Shop on Five-Cafe Al Bacio.  It has always has been the place for a pastry/sugar/calorie ladened treats and Starbuck coffee style coffee selections-to go or to sit and savor.  Always hopping. Upcharge for a few, but a very few….unlike the upcharge Gelato stand on the other side of Deck 5, Midship.  Cricket, cricket. Poor use of space in my opinion.    Previously, it was made one cup at the time, fresh ground beans,  fresh espresso trickles from the machine, add hot steaming milk…boom, magic in the morning. I know because I am the designed coffee bitch.  25 years of cruising, I bring cappuccinos to Eddie in bed. I understand my job description.  Yes, we have a butler that is glad to bring it to us, at a designated time.  Please place hanger on door before 2:00 AM, but Eddie’s wake up time is random.  Back to my AM observations.      Now the espresso is preloaded 10 cups at a time.  There are three baristas, one on espresso machine, one on steam milk-almond, oat, skim, whole, and one on taking orders, getting your sea pass card and handling squirts of sugar free or regular flavorings.    Efficient yes, does it taste the same, yes, but it lacks the powderpuff flourish.  Glad Eddie does not get coffee…. So, fast forward to cocktail hour with our travel buddies.  Ed-2 and Eddie were discussing the food quality in the various locations around the ship, to include all the restaurants we have access to.  Betsy is a doer…a fixer…so, she sprang into action.  She requested a meeting with the suite manager and the head of food service.  Eddie and I warned her, “don’t go there”.  We told her that she/they/us (see, I can do pronouns with the best of them) would be hot boxed by various staff members during meal time.  Our poor regular waiter, Gabriel, with too big glasses that slide down his nose will be blamed.    Told her to hold her comments until the email survey that occurs after the fact.  We have been there done that.  We simply do the don’t eat it, stir it around the plate move if it does not meet our expectations…then order dessert.  Nope, nope, nope.  Betsy was determined to get to the bottom of it.  Dog vs bone kinda of thing….and she is a bulldog.  Well, post meeting has food improved or change.  Nope.  Has our table been hot boxed daily by an assortment of people. Absolutely.  Has Gabriel been a nervous wreck?  Yup.  We did get to meet the Head Chef who showed up awkwardly at our table one evening.    I have shoes and underwear older than he is.  A little young guy from India.  Explains a lot of the food on the Buffet service line…which is one of the only places you can get lunch  on at sea days.  See, efficiency meets bottom line.  Doing more with less….no waste.

On that note, for sh*ts and giggles I used my free Wi-Fi in the early morning hours to look for information on the cruise lines.  Most financially successful in 2025…the folks at Carnival (and all the brands that sail under them).  They are the sharks in the water for sure, they pick up assets from failing companies….P&O Australia, comes to mind. They are also vertically ingrates…for example, they own the various hotels and trains in Alaska and get first choice on the Glacier lottery.., private islands in the Caribbean.    The most leveraged and most vulnerable is NCL (and all of  their brands). Queue the Jaws music.  Pity, we like them…as we tend to sleep around.  Ed-3 and JoAnne are big Regent cruisers (NCL brand)…a Quick Look at Regent Seven Seas online brochure says Ed-3 and JoAnne are not going to leave any money to their kids.  Pricey.  Another factoid is precovid there were about 300 ships in the Ocean, Lake or  River Water, now there are 370 in service.  Celebrity is under the Royal Caribbean umbrella of brands.  It is middle of pack.  Not bad returns or financials (Full disclosure, like on any of the business shows on TV, we own stock in RCCL-just enough to get a discount (IF you can get around the exclusions) and receive the annual report.)  During Covid lots of ships’ staff were not well cared for, and found other employment on dry land.  RCCL paid their employees during Covid, and flies them back and forth to home between contracts.  Some have been with the company for 25-30 years.  You take care of me, I take care of you kind of loyalty.   The competition for quality employees is stiff.  They all  now pay better, especially if you have experience and don’t turn green in rough seas. So, efficiency experts on how to do more with less, for sure.  It is survival.   Even when you pay more, powder puffing was one of the first things to go.  Eddie and Ed-2 may never get over that.  Next up, Dinner with the Dillards and a pivot from the Bermuda stop.  Breaking news….  So, another day at sea.  Will there be a human or spousal dropping from the top decks as an afternoon Passenger challenge?   Perhaps.  

What Day is This?

 This is Day 9 of our 16 day crossing.  This is day 5 of straight At Sea Days.  The focus here is people not ports.  The last couple of days have been super special.  We have had deep swells so the motion of the ocean has made for interesting people watching. Today, we get white caps and swells.     Since we are turning our clocks back an hour a night, people tend to be up earlier and go to bed earlier.  The morning speakers get full houses and the afternoon repeat performances of the evening entertainment requires early arrive times.  Please no saving places.  Pools are open but with all the water sloshing out, it is all about location of your chaise lounge chair…choose wrong and you get wet.  It is fun to watch the people who think they have gotten a prime location. Classic rookie crossing error,      Sooo glad our suite is not under the pool…empty chaises tend to move at night.  Been here, done that, lesson learned.  

Unlike the rip tide or hurricane flags on a beach, you can tell when the forecast is for rough seas.  The big bowls of green apples and saltine cracker packs start appearing around the ship.  We use to see airline barf bags clipped to staircases and the Purcell stations around the ship.  I guess budget cut backs or recycling mandates have made that so pre Covid.  Not sure how recycled barf bags work.  Now, there are the people assigned to clean up, then continuously spray deodorant on the carpet when the inevitable happens.  I have nicknamed (because you know that is what I do) them Barf Bunnies.  What a resume builder.  I can see it now.  Expert in the rapid containment, neutralization, and restoration of textile-based disaster zones aboard luxury maritime environments. Demonstrated ability to remain calm under pressure (and odor). Skilled in discreet crisis management to ensure passenger satisfaction and seamless cruise continuity. (Yeah, I cheated and used Chat GPT for that one)

If we had been experiencing an outbreak of a Respiratory virus, which can include Covid…the rapid deployment of the squirt bottle Bleach team,  We all love and remember that one-land, sea or air.  Yes, Clorox does kill 99.9% of the germs on surfaces.  But it makes things such as elevator buttons and table top a tad sticky, particularly after repeat usage.  The resume for that crew member  would look more like— Frontline hygiene operative specializing in microbial annihilation and viral eviction. Recognized for precision, stamina, and unwavering commitment to wiping out germs (and dignity) one disinfectant-soaked rag at a time.

Back to attending the Beyond the Podium series.  The speaker the first half of the cruise has been a humorous but knowledgeable Science guy.  He has spoken on everything from sea-life to the Hubble and Webb Telescopes and even thrown in Cat vs Dog owners.  He is a cat guy.  He is also kind of a Octopus geek.  He knows the pitfalls of being too dry or reading from a power point, he injects subtle humor.  He packs the house at 10:15 every at sea day he speaks.  I usually (note did not use the we pronoun, Eddie never comes) arrive late and leave early.  Cruise ship 101.  When the theatre lets out, elevators and walkways become very crowded.  I have learned that I sit on the aisle seat toward the back.  I do not want to raise our hand and be picked to be on stage.    If the ship has doors to the outside of the ship, I take them.  Eddie follows these rules when there is something he wants to see.  Then I become the “we” pronoun.  That can be a fun moment too.  Just like car driver Eddie, theatre Eddie gets aggressive/frustrated/ when in heavy traffic or in slow moving people crowds…so we have developed strategies when on a cruise ship. Yesterday, despite the heavy seas and our location in the pointy end of the ship, the theatre was full by 10:05.  The hour a day roll back ensures everybody is up early.  I found my spot along the very back bar stool area.  There was another woman there and I asked if the seat was saved.  She paused and replied, no, but did I have a cough, fever, chills or diarrhea.  Well, that was a first.  I responded that I did not.  I moved my seat a little farther from her.  Whatever she has, I was sure I did not want to catch it.  Is crazy contagious?  Not sure what kind of warning flag is associated with crazy.  Not taking any chances, Eddie is Team Pickle’s designated crazy person.  

Gig ‘Em, Hoddy Toddy, Roll Tide, and Happy Hoosiers…shipboard TV had some of our favorite games.  Odd timing for sure, but glad Elon’s Starlink and YouTube are in their own lanes and we can see most of the games.  

Plan B at Sea

 Good Morning from somewhere in the Atlantic Ocean.  We have left the calm waters of the Mediterranean for the rough and tumble Atlantic Ocean.  We have crossed in Spring and Fall, Fall tends to be warmer.  As we sail back to the US, our clock fall back an hour almost every night.  So, it is currently 4:15 in the morning.  I think I managed to stay up until 9:00 new time last night.  Cicada rhythms at sea are interesting.  I wander the ghost ship and see where I can find coffee.  I have seen the full moon retreat and sunrises almost every day.  Good Plan B for me.   There are crew members going about their normal jobs, and a few hardy passengers.  None from the Zombie Decks (2 & 3).  They party late, get up late,..these people paid more for their liquor + Wi-Fi packages than they did for their cabins with the little round port hole.  Ahh, the bliss of being young and bulletproof.  No, Plan B for them, not necessary.

Our last scheduled stop in Europe was in the Azores.  If you look at a world map, there are several clusters  islands just off the coasts of Portugal and upper Africa.  Azores, Madeira, Canary.  They all are Portuguese.  They are beautiful islands, with unique topography, vegetation and things to do.  A couple of days ago, the Captain announced that they were going to Plan B.  Our day in the Azores had been replaced by a day in Madeira.  Why?  The last winds and rain from Hurricane Melissa were promising 45-50 mph winds and rain in the Azores.  Pivot.  I guess there has been enough posting of Instagram reels, Tik Tok, FB videos showing the carnage of cruise ship meets high winds.  Not good look for a cruise company’s bottom line.    So, Plan B it is.  24 hours out, the shore excursion and internet searches were sure hopping.  We have been here a couple of times before.  First trip we rode the wicker sleighs down the side of a mountain.  If that sounds dangerous, it was.  Not sure what we were thinking…I noted either because this was Plan B and two other ships (Plan A for NCL and Silversea)  were in port or the ambulance count (currently at 7 total, for those keeping score), there was not ship board excursion featuring the sleighs ride.  To keep the natives happy, the Ship chose not to charge us 10 euros each way, each to go into town.  

Most of our friends and family know that I have problems with mattresses.  Just call me Goldilocks.  Ed can sleep on almost any surface.  I need soft but good support.  The mattresses on board have always given me fits.  I know to ask before the cruise (yes, in a suite that is allowed) to have an egg crate topper put on my side of the bed.  Eddie’s requirement is for the duvet to be be replaced by a blanket.  Well, Eddie had egg crate envy, as the bed seemed to be broken down so that you rolled to the left (in Eddie’s case off the bed).  On our stop in Malaga, there were several semi truck loads of new mattresses being delivered.  New mattresses for the regular cabins, no Cashmere bedding would be replaced.  So, I ordered him an egg crate.  Fast forward, the seas have have become a little rougher than inside the Mediterranean. Eddie had to brace himself…shades of “X” sleeping from Oceania.  So, as I became the mattress ninja, I rotated the mattress so the bottom was now at top.  These are mattresses that are both box springs and sleeping surface in one, so a simple flip would have been Eddie meets springs.  The only problem is these specially designed mattresses have a curve to fit the foot of the bed.  That curve is now at the top inside. And yes, Eddie was right, the mattress headboard visual showed a huge slope to the center of the bed.    I stuffed one of the 9 worthless additional decorative pillows in the hole, and one under-the mattress replaced the egg crate and Voila, Plan B for the win.  I did have to leave a note for our room steward so she would not undo my handy work.  Our traveling companions have a 1/4 inch plywood piece placed under their mattress.  Did not even know that was an option.  So, there is a Plan Bb if this does not work.

On to our biggest possible Plan B, and the return of my anxiety monster.  When we first started to cruise (1999), it was the only time Eddie could not be reached by a phone.  Satellite TV was about as reliable as the power in Kingwood in a high wind.  It was a total disconnect from the world around you.  25 years of advancements has made us addicted to our phones,news feeds, Social media platforms.  We are connected to everything to include the TSA ATC mess at our nation’s airports.  I have received the Greeting from United’s CEO letter advance warning us that today (Friday) will be first the reduction of flights to meet the 10% reduction goal set be the FAA.  They are hopeful that the problem will be solved by the 13th and they can resume normal operations. Okay, Airlines, if you are losing as much money as you say, perhaps a Plan B for you would be to offer the TSA and ATC a bridge loan, interest free, in lieu of their paychecks.  You might earn some loyalty from those folks, avert the drama and rerouting, and you would look like heroes on social media and news to the flying public. Net, net same amount of money…one makes people mad, they other makes folks happy.  You pick.  On to my Plan B.  Eddie is not worried.  Here again, a failure to plan is a plan for failure.  Today we have a 4% chance of getting cancelled.  We have both Tampa and IAH on our flight home bingo cards…they are 2 of the 40 airports effected.  What is my Plan B?  Well, I have determined where the closest Budget Rental car to the port is.  I have both my United app and Budget Car app up and ready  I figure it will take 2-3 days to drive home.  Now for the best part of Plan B.  We rent a SUV and ask Robert and Nancy Dillard (most of you know them) to share the ride.  We stumbled into them in our first night aboard.  They B2B cruisers, regular cabins not suite folks.  A tad awkward since we have our Portland cruising peeps.  They do not share well.  We quickly figured out a Plan B and met them during the day and have a dinner in a Specialty restaurant planned.  So, stay tuned for updates. 

Finally, an update on our credit card being never lost or stolen, but cloned to a digital wallet.  .  There are now (a week later) stories about the newest scam.  It is called “ghost tapping”.  Banks are reporting a high number of these incidents…complete with low value test charges.  They are not even sure how it is happening, but it is.  Typically in crowded situations.  I love when we are on trend and ahead of the curve.  Until I write again, my monster and I are checking our phones frequently for updates.  

Malaga and PTSD

Anxiety-it is the current buzz word…that and 6-7.  Whether you are young or old, the internet and people are full of folks public claiming their anxieties and/or  attempting to sell you a way to cure/tame/let go of your internal monster.  It is the multi purpose monster that can be blamed for all sorts of things.    Press here to follow or subscribe.  Do Eddie and I have internal monsters to be tamed?  Absolutely…however, we are from the suck it up era…only our closest friends and family have met our monsters.  Our port stop in Malaga had my monster on full display.  My monster can reveal itself in several different forms.  In Málaga, Spain, it is the PTSD monster with a guest appearance of performance anxiety.  

Malaga is a sparkling jewel on the Spanish Golden Sun Coast.  Clean, historic charm and modern.  We can see miles of beaches from the ship…we drew the short straw as there is a Princess ship in port today, so we have the industrial view…but we made deck laps to see what we could.    The sea and Sky are wonderful shades blue, the beach is not white sand, but more like Galveston…putty grey.  The vegetation is lush, tropical and well maintained.  We saw only one abandoned building that had been tagged with spray paint, Eddie’s  pet peeve.    So, the port stop gets high marks on the Eddie scale.  If I were to take on a boyfriend, it would not be Leo, our neighbor, it would be a young Spanish fellow from this region.  Tall, tan, bedroom eyes, dark hair, yeah, it is the land of male arm candy on old ladies.     When we determined what we would do in the only port we have not been to on this trip, we reviewed the ship board excursions, selections from the usually groups sources (think Trip Advisor, Viator, Shore excursions.com), and private sources.  After over 25 years of cruise traveling, there is a sweet spot for Eddie.  4 hours, middle of day, not to physical, not a bus ride, food or liquor are big selling points.  Malaga had several options if you wanted to hike mountains, 4x4 ATV tours,  city walking with Cathedrals and Museums (Picasso was born here),flamenco dancing lessons,💃🏼 or a food tour.  Drum roll please…which do you Eddie picked?  We have done tons of these.  The independent operator (no ship board upcharge that guaranteed we would be back on time) offered a four stop tour to sample all the regional dishes.  We have done these before all over the world, it usually has four restaurants nestled close together.  The walking is minimal.  There the usual low hang fruit close by of churches, historical buildings that are easy to return to after the tour.  Eddie prefers a limo driven food tour, but that option was not available without loads of homework and money spent.  

What did we get for $129.00, each (without tip)?  Well, the instructions which were included a piece of paper with your electronic ticket scan code and strongly suggested you take a taxi from the port.  Celebrity use to provide shuttle buses at no additional charge when the port and city were 2.5 miles apart.  No more, that will be 10 Euros each way, per person.  Line forms in the terminal for tickets.  So, local cab it is.  We made a classic rookie mistake.  We allowed ourselves to be snookered by the first guy out the port doors.  Was the vehicle white? Yes.  Did it say Taxi?  Yes, there was a sign on the door. Could it have been a Amazon or Etsy Spain magnetic sign, possibly.  Was there a meter inside the vehicle?  No.  He was lined up with the other white taxi looking cars in front of the port building.  I had done my map homework and knew vaguely where we were headed.  Did we go that way?  Nope, we did a little off the beaten path route.  Did my anxiety monster start to appear about being carted off and robbed?    You betcha.  Did we get overcharged?  Absolutely.  That will be 20 euros, please…the driver kept his hand out for a tip.  Nope, even Eddie knew better.  

Our instructions from the company were very specific.  Arrive 15-20 minutes prior to the 11:30 start time at the designed meeting place and look for a person holding a sign  saying “Do Eat Better”.  We were early.  Of course, we were, we are the Pickles, we arrive early always.  After the appointed meeting time came and went, we spotted another couple with a similar piece of paper looking for a tour guide with a sign.  They were from the Princess ship and bragged that they had hiked 5 miles before coming here. Show Offs.   He went on to say he had texted the company and Jose (we have several of those at home) was stuck in the subway and would be there shortly.  Okay, strike one.  At 11:40, 25 minutes after the meet time, Jose arrives with no sign.  Heavily accented Spanish/English and no apologies.  Strike two.  We are joined by a German couple from a local hotel.  So the seven of us strike out for what we assumed was a short walk to restaurant Number one.  Nope, we sprinted because we are running behind schedule to make the guaranteed ship departure deadline.   We arrived in the rather crowded market.  It is similar to the one in Barcelona.  Moorish influence in architecture and the stained glass window at one end, needed no explanation. The local fruits and vegetables would make H‑E‑B look bad.    Our first “course” was eating fresh olives, Malaga almonds and figs and jambon (Spanish for ham) on a very small piece of bread.  The market was crazy crowded.  After the electronically stolen credit card, my PTSD had my purse in my underwear.  Yes, we only had cash (euros) and a credit card in a RFD slot, my phone but I was not going to take any chances. We have done fresh markets before, we rarely eat their offerings, flies, no FDA inspectors, dirty hands pawing the offerings.  I am my mother’s child, I will pass.  Jose’s brisk sprint, heavy accent made his presentation worthless. My anxiety level and head on a swivel made sure I could not read his lips…Eddie’s hearing aides were useless.    Eddie was struggling with the frantic walking pace.  Out the door and two blocks away we enter an equally crowded very small wine tasting hallway, there was not enough space to call it a room.  The barrels are lined up on the wall, juice glasses of a dark and light local wines were given to us. No chairs, not barstools, no explanation of what we were drinking.  We both took a small sip.  I do not think I have ever tasted anything that sweet…even Eddie sat the glasses down on the first available surface.  The look on Eddie’s face said we might have to call 911-his back or a sugar coma were both possible.  And we are off without much instruction or warning retracing steps back two blocks to a stall on the parmenter inside the market.  This was the second course.  Tapas.  We were offer another glass of sweet wine or a Fanta.  Eddie and I chose the Fanta.  Lemon, could have been pineapple (right side up, I assume), it was super sugar sweet.  So, first available surface for that offering. With no seating available.  We watched as them battered anchovies And sardines, then dipped them in the fryer…meanwhile, we were offered raw squid on a paper napkin  I told Eddie I was done.  This is not what I had in mind.  While I can be all in on new experiences, it did not include a sugar coma or trip to the hospital for his back.  Strike three, we are out of here.  We explained to Jose that we would hold the group up as we were 30 years older than the other two couples.  We rarely throw down the age card…or the back card…we vested the sugar coma card.     We cut our loses for the day and said goodbye.  This time I hailed the taxi, one that had the green light on the roof, city of Malaga emblem on the side and a taxi meter visible from the outside windshield.  7.90 euro later (plus tip making it 10 euros) and a very short drive, we were back on board.

Did I complain to the tour group company and request my money back, no.  This is how Jose makes a living, it would be deducted from his earnings…  We decided to have a good laugh at the joys of aging,  and eat a hamburger around the pool deck….then take a well deserved nap. After your monsters have been out and about, they need their rest to return to their cages.    

Do you Pineapple?

 As I may have mentioned before, this voyage is a lot of been here done that locations.  Cartagena is no exception.  So, while our fellow passengers are making the long pier walk to the historical port city…historical means a naturally defensible harbor, city walls, a fort up on a hill.  If your bingo card had Spanish architecture with a hint of Moorish influence, you can mark that square, too.  We decided to sit on our port side balcony and watch the activities.  First up was the ever popular ambulance arrival.  There were three, a record for this early in the cruise.  Next, was the quick about face of those who are on walkers, non motorized wheelchairs, and mobility challenged.  They saw the three blocks to the end of the pier area walk and got right back on board.  Last, was our favorite of the day.  The excursion to learn how to sail.  Let the giggle fest begin.  Eddie being Navy and all, we have done this, 50 years ago.  So, fast forward, would we do this again right now, nope.  But there were 8 hardy souls about as fit as us who tried their nautical abilities in 8 small sailboats, larger than a sunfish, maybe a two person sailboat, with a rudder and impressive sail.  Perhaps if this activity started a little farther out in the marina away from the yachts and large sailboats it would not have been as humorous.  The beginning sail class had to tack (move the sail back and forth) to move forward and avoid the other 7 boats…and two motorized zodiac inflatables that flanked the class.  The instruction before they began was obviously vague.  There was standing up, fanning the boom vigorously while standing to created forward motion, lots of near collisions, strong tipping motions to either side.  Thanks goodness all had their Spanish Coast Guard approved life vests on-kinda sorta.  We actually went up to the pool deck and watched/chased their progress to the buoy near one of the harbor walls. We made 3 laps of the deck.  Check morning exercise off our bingo card-can I have my Gelato yet?    I wonder if there was a waiver involved?  Was one of the ambulances for them?  Perhaps.  

Our next lol moment was learning about the upside down Pineapple magnets on staterooms doors of a cruise ship.  These are the large Dollar Tree magnets that you can find when it is not a major holiday-think Luau summer season.  Or if you don’t want to wait, I am sure Amazon can hook you up.  Hook up is the operative wording here.  If you place your pineapple upside down on you cabin door, it means you are looking for another swinging couple.  Check it out.  There are plenty of references to the inverted pineapple On Instagram and Google.   I think there is a reference to pink flamingos working,  too.  Well, as chance has it, our next door suite cabin has a different daily quilted/machine embroidered door hanger and the pineapple, inverted.  Ed has seen the wife, and said no way that could be true.  Today, I met Leo, the Mr. of  the couple.  Leo gave me the eyebrow wiggle and wink.  Looking for adventure on high sea…I think so.  I will never look at a Pineapple door knocker the same again.  Have checked the lock on the adjoining door three times.  

Now for an update.  The mystery of the contraband in the suitcase has been solved.  I am sure Ed-2 went to a corporate level, but the answer is Leatherman.  You know the all in one tool.  Needle nose Pliers, bottle opener, screwdriver, corkscrew, small pocket knife, maybe even a fork.  Yeah, you probably got one as a Christmas stocking stuffer.  Don’t bring it on a cruise or inside an airplane.  The scanner will be set off for sure.  Their luggage got the same sticker as the guy who attempted to bring two loaded hand guns on board.  There is no story upgrade as the ship’s security officer delivered the information to them while we were together for drinks in the Retreat Lounge.  

After an exciting evening, I came back to check my email.  The internet (thanks, Elon and Starlink) is overwhelmed.  Everything on board ship is now app driven off your phone.  So, 1800 semi tech illiterates messing with their phones constantly tends to bog down the speed of your internet connection.  After 9:30, it is easy.  Imagine my surprise when I had an email from Chase asking me if a $28.84 charge to a mini mart in Spain was me.  If no, please call the toll free number on the back of my Chase card.  After 20 or so minutes on the phone, Chase cancelled the card and agreed to not send me a new one until I called them when I got home.  No need to have USPS maybe, kinda hold a new card at the Post Office until November 17.   Our post office at home tends to lose things, misplace things or possible steal things.  They additionally  determined it was in a digital wallet.   Neither Eddie (heaven forbid) nor I use any digital wallet off our phones.  Chase explained it was scanned from a non RFD wallet or a phone and added to someone’s digital wallet.  My wallet and cards are all in an RFD safe carrier.  So, not pointing fingers, but…Eddie.  Gave him one last Christmas, but he likes the one he has.  So, will I be restless until I get home, you bet.  Do we have other credit cards, yes.  Of course, Eddie has us going to the American Embassy and having family members wire us money.  Talking about standing up in the sail boat and vigorously flapping the sails.  May all your pineapples be right side up.  

They Shoot Horses, Don’t they?

 Embarkation Day has finally arrived.  Two years of anticipation, weeks of planning and days of packing and unpacking, we are finally ready for Embarkation Day.  Two years of anticipation, weeks of planning and days of packing and unpacking, we are finally ready to board our ship…35 cruises which includes some b2b (Back to Back cruises) or more on a few different cruises lines-we sleep around.  Nothing prepared us for the chaos/riot/zoo of boarding Celebrity Constellation in Civitavecchia, Italy…and we have had some pretty wild experiences, but this one wins hands down.  It replaces being Shanghaied in China as number one.    The port is about 90 minutes from the center of Rome…our Italian driver that spoke almost no English, made it in 70 minutes.  Guess he had aspersions of being a race car driver.    Glad I did not need to go the the bathroom.  With all the cruises that originate from Civitavecchia, I was under the impression it was a well oiled machine.  Silly, me.  There was one other cruise ship in port, Celebrity Ascent.  Being newer and bigger, it took the normal cruise port berth…guess it is only one ship a day kind of port.  Our ship was assigned to a make shift area, inside the industrial port, between the Korean car carrier that was being unloaded and the Banana boat.  Throw in a couple of cargo vessels and you have our destination.  We had secured our limo (yes, you know our Eddie, Limo, it is) with the requirement that it was permitted to go into the port.  Another rookie error, no inside the port permit for your transport.  There  were tons of folks dragging their luggage from the port gates to the ship dodging off loading cars and bananas.    Not it.  A failure to plan is a plan to fail.  We have done the drag your four suitcases to a port terminal 2 blocks away before. I was patting myself on my back as we were dropped in front of the temporary embarkation bubble.  If this had been our first cruise, it might have been our last.  I think my toes were run over by several motorized scooters.  I learned a whole lot of Italian, English, German, French cuss words.  Eddie found an angry nest of cane wielding mouth breathers that told him to move the f*ck out of the way.  Wow!  I guess it true what they say about people over a certain age…no filters.  There was no one in charge, no signs, and 1,500 passengers that came early for their boarding time slots that were suppose to be coming over the next 3 hours…the other 300 were on ship as they were b2b folks.    Talk about fun.  At least our luggage arrived early afternoon.  Our traveling companions had one of their suitcases confiscated for contraband.  It took 5 hours to retrieve it, it was almost an international incident.   They have a sticker covered suitcase, and no explanation what the contraband might have been.  These folks are strict rule obeyers.  The male half of our cruising friends is also an Ed, he does not find humor in these travel moments….he makes Covid Karen look like a novice.   I kept looking for the defibrillator on the ship…and was googling the you tube video on how to use it.    24 hours later, no clue on what the contraband was. I am not sure Ed-2 will get over it.  He is still chewing on that piece of bubble gum…hard to let things go for sure.  

In cruising there are port intensive cruises-a port every day and/or cruises like this 6 days in ports, and the rest (10) are days at sea.  The staff and crew have to work hard to create moments and experiences on board ship on those 10 days.    Before leaving we signed up (and prepaid) for a Steak Tartare Hands on class the morning of our first at sea day.  10:15…and raw meat, hmmm.  Eddie is a big fan of Steak Tartare…me, not so much, but sure, I will give it a go, it is all about the Experiences.  The start time was 10:15, but we had to arrive 30 minutes ahead of time to complete yet another health form and waiver.  We were instructed to wear only long pants, closed toed shoes, no tank tops.  The waiver was kind of like the one you sign when you go white water rafting.  Lots of initial here, no filming, throwing knives and you had to be over 6 to participate.  Wow, legal really wanted to cover the various bases on this one.  Makes one wonder what made this necessary.  At 10:15 after giving everyone a glass of champagne, the 9 adults were  invited to wash our hands, and don french cooking hats and aprons (no, we did not get to keep them) and assumed our positions behind the 9 cutting board.  We were given the recipe, but each station had all of our ingredients measured out in front of us.  Our rather large raw filet was on the cutting board, with our cutting glove and rather sharp big knife…waiver and champagne should not have been in same sentence here.  Our chef led us through the various steps, to complete the recipe.  Still not sure why we could not wear capris or shorts.  Closed toed shoes, understand that one..Knife dropping and all…the “no photos” was not observed…as we all took pictures of each other in our chef attire.  We completed our experience by sitting down and enjoying what we had prepared.  Raw meat is the ultimate ice breaker.  Oh yeah, the reference to horses...Ed-2 response to our Steak Tartare class when we told them our plans was “you know, in Europe, they use Horse Meat to make Steak Tartare”.  Was that in the waiver?  Must have been the champagne.