What Day is This?

 This is Day 9 of our 16 day crossing.  This is day 5 of straight At Sea Days.  The focus here is people not ports.  The last couple of days have been super special.  We have had deep swells so the motion of the ocean has made for interesting people watching. Today, we get white caps and swells.     Since we are turning our clocks back an hour a night, people tend to be up earlier and go to bed earlier.  The morning speakers get full houses and the afternoon repeat performances of the evening entertainment requires early arrive times.  Please no saving places.  Pools are open but with all the water sloshing out, it is all about location of your chaise lounge chair…choose wrong and you get wet.  It is fun to watch the people who think they have gotten a prime location. Classic rookie crossing error,      Sooo glad our suite is not under the pool…empty chaises tend to move at night.  Been here, done that, lesson learned.  

Unlike the rip tide or hurricane flags on a beach, you can tell when the forecast is for rough seas.  The big bowls of green apples and saltine cracker packs start appearing around the ship.  We use to see airline barf bags clipped to staircases and the Purcell stations around the ship.  I guess budget cut backs or recycling mandates have made that so pre Covid.  Not sure how recycled barf bags work.  Now, there are the people assigned to clean up, then continuously spray deodorant on the carpet when the inevitable happens.  I have nicknamed (because you know that is what I do) them Barf Bunnies.  What a resume builder.  I can see it now.  Expert in the rapid containment, neutralization, and restoration of textile-based disaster zones aboard luxury maritime environments. Demonstrated ability to remain calm under pressure (and odor). Skilled in discreet crisis management to ensure passenger satisfaction and seamless cruise continuity. (Yeah, I cheated and used Chat GPT for that one)

If we had been experiencing an outbreak of a Respiratory virus, which can include Covid…the rapid deployment of the squirt bottle Bleach team,  We all love and remember that one-land, sea or air.  Yes, Clorox does kill 99.9% of the germs on surfaces.  But it makes things such as elevator buttons and table top a tad sticky, particularly after repeat usage.  The resume for that crew member  would look more like— Frontline hygiene operative specializing in microbial annihilation and viral eviction. Recognized for precision, stamina, and unwavering commitment to wiping out germs (and dignity) one disinfectant-soaked rag at a time.

Back to attending the Beyond the Podium series.  The speaker the first half of the cruise has been a humorous but knowledgeable Science guy.  He has spoken on everything from sea-life to the Hubble and Webb Telescopes and even thrown in Cat vs Dog owners.  He is a cat guy.  He is also kind of a Octopus geek.  He knows the pitfalls of being too dry or reading from a power point, he injects subtle humor.  He packs the house at 10:15 every at sea day he speaks.  I usually (note did not use the we pronoun, Eddie never comes) arrive late and leave early.  Cruise ship 101.  When the theatre lets out, elevators and walkways become very crowded.  I have learned that I sit on the aisle seat toward the back.  I do not want to raise our hand and be picked to be on stage.    If the ship has doors to the outside of the ship, I take them.  Eddie follows these rules when there is something he wants to see.  Then I become the “we” pronoun.  That can be a fun moment too.  Just like car driver Eddie, theatre Eddie gets aggressive/frustrated/ when in heavy traffic or in slow moving people crowds…so we have developed strategies when on a cruise ship. Yesterday, despite the heavy seas and our location in the pointy end of the ship, the theatre was full by 10:05.  The hour a day roll back ensures everybody is up early.  I found my spot along the very back bar stool area.  There was another woman there and I asked if the seat was saved.  She paused and replied, no, but did I have a cough, fever, chills or diarrhea.  Well, that was a first.  I responded that I did not.  I moved my seat a little farther from her.  Whatever she has, I was sure I did not want to catch it.  Is crazy contagious?  Not sure what kind of warning flag is associated with crazy.  Not taking any chances, Eddie is Team Pickle’s designated crazy person.  

Gig ‘Em, Hoddy Toddy, Roll Tide, and Happy Hoosiers…shipboard TV had some of our favorite games.  Odd timing for sure, but glad Elon’s Starlink and YouTube are in their own lanes and we can see most of the games.  

Plan B at Sea

 Good Morning from somewhere in the Atlantic Ocean.  We have left the calm waters of the Mediterranean for the rough and tumble Atlantic Ocean.  We have crossed in Spring and Fall, Fall tends to be warmer.  As we sail back to the US, our clock fall back an hour almost every night.  So, it is currently 4:15 in the morning.  I think I managed to stay up until 9:00 new time last night.  Cicada rhythms at sea are interesting.  I wander the ghost ship and see where I can find coffee.  I have seen the full moon retreat and sunrises almost every day.  Good Plan B for me.   There are crew members going about their normal jobs, and a few hardy passengers.  None from the Zombie Decks (2 & 3).  They party late, get up late,..these people paid more for their liquor + Wi-Fi packages than they did for their cabins with the little round port hole.  Ahh, the bliss of being young and bulletproof.  No, Plan B for them, not necessary.

Our last scheduled stop in Europe was in the Azores.  If you look at a world map, there are several clusters  islands just off the coasts of Portugal and upper Africa.  Azores, Madeira, Canary.  They all are Portuguese.  They are beautiful islands, with unique topography, vegetation and things to do.  A couple of days ago, the Captain announced that they were going to Plan B.  Our day in the Azores had been replaced by a day in Madeira.  Why?  The last winds and rain from Hurricane Melissa were promising 45-50 mph winds and rain in the Azores.  Pivot.  I guess there has been enough posting of Instagram reels, Tik Tok, FB videos showing the carnage of cruise ship meets high winds.  Not good look for a cruise company’s bottom line.    So, Plan B it is.  24 hours out, the shore excursion and internet searches were sure hopping.  We have been here a couple of times before.  First trip we rode the wicker sleighs down the side of a mountain.  If that sounds dangerous, it was.  Not sure what we were thinking…I noted either because this was Plan B and two other ships (Plan A for NCL and Silversea)  were in port or the ambulance count (currently at 7 total, for those keeping score), there was not ship board excursion featuring the sleighs ride.  To keep the natives happy, the Ship chose not to charge us 10 euros each way, each to go into town.  

Most of our friends and family know that I have problems with mattresses.  Just call me Goldilocks.  Ed can sleep on almost any surface.  I need soft but good support.  The mattresses on board have always given me fits.  I know to ask before the cruise (yes, in a suite that is allowed) to have an egg crate topper put on my side of the bed.  Eddie’s requirement is for the duvet to be be replaced by a blanket.  Well, Eddie had egg crate envy, as the bed seemed to be broken down so that you rolled to the left (in Eddie’s case off the bed).  On our stop in Malaga, there were several semi truck loads of new mattresses being delivered.  New mattresses for the regular cabins, no Cashmere bedding would be replaced.  So, I ordered him an egg crate.  Fast forward, the seas have have become a little rougher than inside the Mediterranean. Eddie had to brace himself…shades of “X” sleeping from Oceania.  So, as I became the mattress ninja, I rotated the mattress so the bottom was now at top.  These are mattresses that are both box springs and sleeping surface in one, so a simple flip would have been Eddie meets springs.  The only problem is these specially designed mattresses have a curve to fit the foot of the bed.  That curve is now at the top inside. And yes, Eddie was right, the mattress headboard visual showed a huge slope to the center of the bed.    I stuffed one of the 9 worthless additional decorative pillows in the hole, and one under-the mattress replaced the egg crate and Voila, Plan B for the win.  I did have to leave a note for our room steward so she would not undo my handy work.  Our traveling companions have a 1/4 inch plywood piece placed under their mattress.  Did not even know that was an option.  So, there is a Plan Bb if this does not work.

On to our biggest possible Plan B, and the return of my anxiety monster.  When we first started to cruise (1999), it was the only time Eddie could not be reached by a phone.  Satellite TV was about as reliable as the power in Kingwood in a high wind.  It was a total disconnect from the world around you.  25 years of advancements has made us addicted to our phones,news feeds, Social media platforms.  We are connected to everything to include the TSA ATC mess at our nation’s airports.  I have received the Greeting from United’s CEO letter advance warning us that today (Friday) will be first the reduction of flights to meet the 10% reduction goal set be the FAA.  They are hopeful that the problem will be solved by the 13th and they can resume normal operations. Okay, Airlines, if you are losing as much money as you say, perhaps a Plan B for you would be to offer the TSA and ATC a bridge loan, interest free, in lieu of their paychecks.  You might earn some loyalty from those folks, avert the drama and rerouting, and you would look like heroes on social media and news to the flying public. Net, net same amount of money…one makes people mad, they other makes folks happy.  You pick.  On to my Plan B.  Eddie is not worried.  Here again, a failure to plan is a plan for failure.  Today we have a 4% chance of getting cancelled.  We have both Tampa and IAH on our flight home bingo cards…they are 2 of the 40 airports effected.  What is my Plan B?  Well, I have determined where the closest Budget Rental car to the port is.  I have both my United app and Budget Car app up and ready  I figure it will take 2-3 days to drive home.  Now for the best part of Plan B.  We rent a SUV and ask Robert and Nancy Dillard (most of you know them) to share the ride.  We stumbled into them in our first night aboard.  They B2B cruisers, regular cabins not suite folks.  A tad awkward since we have our Portland cruising peeps.  They do not share well.  We quickly figured out a Plan B and met them during the day and have a dinner in a Specialty restaurant planned.  So, stay tuned for updates. 

Finally, an update on our credit card being never lost or stolen, but cloned to a digital wallet.  .  There are now (a week later) stories about the newest scam.  It is called “ghost tapping”.  Banks are reporting a high number of these incidents…complete with low value test charges.  They are not even sure how it is happening, but it is.  Typically in crowded situations.  I love when we are on trend and ahead of the curve.  Until I write again, my monster and I are checking our phones frequently for updates.  

Malaga and PTSD

Anxiety-it is the current buzz word…that and 6-7.  Whether you are young or old, the internet and people are full of folks public claiming their anxieties and/or  attempting to sell you a way to cure/tame/let go of your internal monster.  It is the multi purpose monster that can be blamed for all sorts of things.    Press here to follow or subscribe.  Do Eddie and I have internal monsters to be tamed?  Absolutely…however, we are from the suck it up era…only our closest friends and family have met our monsters.  Our port stop in Malaga had my monster on full display.  My monster can reveal itself in several different forms.  In Málaga, Spain, it is the PTSD monster with a guest appearance of performance anxiety.  

Malaga is a sparkling jewel on the Spanish Golden Sun Coast.  Clean, historic charm and modern.  We can see miles of beaches from the ship…we drew the short straw as there is a Princess ship in port today, so we have the industrial view…but we made deck laps to see what we could.    The sea and Sky are wonderful shades blue, the beach is not white sand, but more like Galveston…putty grey.  The vegetation is lush, tropical and well maintained.  We saw only one abandoned building that had been tagged with spray paint, Eddie’s  pet peeve.    So, the port stop gets high marks on the Eddie scale.  If I were to take on a boyfriend, it would not be Leo, our neighbor, it would be a young Spanish fellow from this region.  Tall, tan, bedroom eyes, dark hair, yeah, it is the land of male arm candy on old ladies.     When we determined what we would do in the only port we have not been to on this trip, we reviewed the ship board excursions, selections from the usually groups sources (think Trip Advisor, Viator, Shore excursions.com), and private sources.  After over 25 years of cruise traveling, there is a sweet spot for Eddie.  4 hours, middle of day, not to physical, not a bus ride, food or liquor are big selling points.  Malaga had several options if you wanted to hike mountains, 4x4 ATV tours,  city walking with Cathedrals and Museums (Picasso was born here),flamenco dancing lessons,💃🏼 or a food tour.  Drum roll please…which do you Eddie picked?  We have done tons of these.  The independent operator (no ship board upcharge that guaranteed we would be back on time) offered a four stop tour to sample all the regional dishes.  We have done these before all over the world, it usually has four restaurants nestled close together.  The walking is minimal.  There the usual low hang fruit close by of churches, historical buildings that are easy to return to after the tour.  Eddie prefers a limo driven food tour, but that option was not available without loads of homework and money spent.  

What did we get for $129.00, each (without tip)?  Well, the instructions which were included a piece of paper with your electronic ticket scan code and strongly suggested you take a taxi from the port.  Celebrity use to provide shuttle buses at no additional charge when the port and city were 2.5 miles apart.  No more, that will be 10 Euros each way, per person.  Line forms in the terminal for tickets.  So, local cab it is.  We made a classic rookie mistake.  We allowed ourselves to be snookered by the first guy out the port doors.  Was the vehicle white? Yes.  Did it say Taxi?  Yes, there was a sign on the door. Could it have been a Amazon or Etsy Spain magnetic sign, possibly.  Was there a meter inside the vehicle?  No.  He was lined up with the other white taxi looking cars in front of the port building.  I had done my map homework and knew vaguely where we were headed.  Did we go that way?  Nope, we did a little off the beaten path route.  Did my anxiety monster start to appear about being carted off and robbed?    You betcha.  Did we get overcharged?  Absolutely.  That will be 20 euros, please…the driver kept his hand out for a tip.  Nope, even Eddie knew better.  

Our instructions from the company were very specific.  Arrive 15-20 minutes prior to the 11:30 start time at the designed meeting place and look for a person holding a sign  saying “Do Eat Better”.  We were early.  Of course, we were, we are the Pickles, we arrive early always.  After the appointed meeting time came and went, we spotted another couple with a similar piece of paper looking for a tour guide with a sign.  They were from the Princess ship and bragged that they had hiked 5 miles before coming here. Show Offs.   He went on to say he had texted the company and Jose (we have several of those at home) was stuck in the subway and would be there shortly.  Okay, strike one.  At 11:40, 25 minutes after the meet time, Jose arrives with no sign.  Heavily accented Spanish/English and no apologies.  Strike two.  We are joined by a German couple from a local hotel.  So the seven of us strike out for what we assumed was a short walk to restaurant Number one.  Nope, we sprinted because we are running behind schedule to make the guaranteed ship departure deadline.   We arrived in the rather crowded market.  It is similar to the one in Barcelona.  Moorish influence in architecture and the stained glass window at one end, needed no explanation. The local fruits and vegetables would make H‑E‑B look bad.    Our first “course” was eating fresh olives, Malaga almonds and figs and jambon (Spanish for ham) on a very small piece of bread.  The market was crazy crowded.  After the electronically stolen credit card, my PTSD had my purse in my underwear.  Yes, we only had cash (euros) and a credit card in a RFD slot, my phone but I was not going to take any chances. We have done fresh markets before, we rarely eat their offerings, flies, no FDA inspectors, dirty hands pawing the offerings.  I am my mother’s child, I will pass.  Jose’s brisk sprint, heavy accent made his presentation worthless. My anxiety level and head on a swivel made sure I could not read his lips…Eddie’s hearing aides were useless.    Eddie was struggling with the frantic walking pace.  Out the door and two blocks away we enter an equally crowded very small wine tasting hallway, there was not enough space to call it a room.  The barrels are lined up on the wall, juice glasses of a dark and light local wines were given to us. No chairs, not barstools, no explanation of what we were drinking.  We both took a small sip.  I do not think I have ever tasted anything that sweet…even Eddie sat the glasses down on the first available surface.  The look on Eddie’s face said we might have to call 911-his back or a sugar coma were both possible.  And we are off without much instruction or warning retracing steps back two blocks to a stall on the parmenter inside the market.  This was the second course.  Tapas.  We were offer another glass of sweet wine or a Fanta.  Eddie and I chose the Fanta.  Lemon, could have been pineapple (right side up, I assume), it was super sugar sweet.  So, first available surface for that offering. With no seating available.  We watched as them battered anchovies And sardines, then dipped them in the fryer…meanwhile, we were offered raw squid on a paper napkin  I told Eddie I was done.  This is not what I had in mind.  While I can be all in on new experiences, it did not include a sugar coma or trip to the hospital for his back.  Strike three, we are out of here.  We explained to Jose that we would hold the group up as we were 30 years older than the other two couples.  We rarely throw down the age card…or the back card…we vested the sugar coma card.     We cut our loses for the day and said goodbye.  This time I hailed the taxi, one that had the green light on the roof, city of Malaga emblem on the side and a taxi meter visible from the outside windshield.  7.90 euro later (plus tip making it 10 euros) and a very short drive, we were back on board.

Did I complain to the tour group company and request my money back, no.  This is how Jose makes a living, it would be deducted from his earnings…  We decided to have a good laugh at the joys of aging,  and eat a hamburger around the pool deck….then take a well deserved nap. After your monsters have been out and about, they need their rest to return to their cages.    

Do you Pineapple?

 As I may have mentioned before, this voyage is a lot of been here done that locations.  Cartagena is no exception.  So, while our fellow passengers are making the long pier walk to the historical port city…historical means a naturally defensible harbor, city walls, a fort up on a hill.  If your bingo card had Spanish architecture with a hint of Moorish influence, you can mark that square, too.  We decided to sit on our port side balcony and watch the activities.  First up was the ever popular ambulance arrival.  There were three, a record for this early in the cruise.  Next, was the quick about face of those who are on walkers, non motorized wheelchairs, and mobility challenged.  They saw the three blocks to the end of the pier area walk and got right back on board.  Last, was our favorite of the day.  The excursion to learn how to sail.  Let the giggle fest begin.  Eddie being Navy and all, we have done this, 50 years ago.  So, fast forward, would we do this again right now, nope.  But there were 8 hardy souls about as fit as us who tried their nautical abilities in 8 small sailboats, larger than a sunfish, maybe a two person sailboat, with a rudder and impressive sail.  Perhaps if this activity started a little farther out in the marina away from the yachts and large sailboats it would not have been as humorous.  The beginning sail class had to tack (move the sail back and forth) to move forward and avoid the other 7 boats…and two motorized zodiac inflatables that flanked the class.  The instruction before they began was obviously vague.  There was standing up, fanning the boom vigorously while standing to created forward motion, lots of near collisions, strong tipping motions to either side.  Thanks goodness all had their Spanish Coast Guard approved life vests on-kinda sorta.  We actually went up to the pool deck and watched/chased their progress to the buoy near one of the harbor walls. We made 3 laps of the deck.  Check morning exercise off our bingo card-can I have my Gelato yet?    I wonder if there was a waiver involved?  Was one of the ambulances for them?  Perhaps.  

Our next lol moment was learning about the upside down Pineapple magnets on staterooms doors of a cruise ship.  These are the large Dollar Tree magnets that you can find when it is not a major holiday-think Luau summer season.  Or if you don’t want to wait, I am sure Amazon can hook you up.  Hook up is the operative wording here.  If you place your pineapple upside down on you cabin door, it means you are looking for another swinging couple.  Check it out.  There are plenty of references to the inverted pineapple On Instagram and Google.   I think there is a reference to pink flamingos working,  too.  Well, as chance has it, our next door suite cabin has a different daily quilted/machine embroidered door hanger and the pineapple, inverted.  Ed has seen the wife, and said no way that could be true.  Today, I met Leo, the Mr. of  the couple.  Leo gave me the eyebrow wiggle and wink.  Looking for adventure on high sea…I think so.  I will never look at a Pineapple door knocker the same again.  Have checked the lock on the adjoining door three times.  

Now for an update.  The mystery of the contraband in the suitcase has been solved.  I am sure Ed-2 went to a corporate level, but the answer is Leatherman.  You know the all in one tool.  Needle nose Pliers, bottle opener, screwdriver, corkscrew, small pocket knife, maybe even a fork.  Yeah, you probably got one as a Christmas stocking stuffer.  Don’t bring it on a cruise or inside an airplane.  The scanner will be set off for sure.  Their luggage got the same sticker as the guy who attempted to bring two loaded hand guns on board.  There is no story upgrade as the ship’s security officer delivered the information to them while we were together for drinks in the Retreat Lounge.  

After an exciting evening, I came back to check my email.  The internet (thanks, Elon and Starlink) is overwhelmed.  Everything on board ship is now app driven off your phone.  So, 1800 semi tech illiterates messing with their phones constantly tends to bog down the speed of your internet connection.  After 9:30, it is easy.  Imagine my surprise when I had an email from Chase asking me if a $28.84 charge to a mini mart in Spain was me.  If no, please call the toll free number on the back of my Chase card.  After 20 or so minutes on the phone, Chase cancelled the card and agreed to not send me a new one until I called them when I got home.  No need to have USPS maybe, kinda hold a new card at the Post Office until November 17.   Our post office at home tends to lose things, misplace things or possible steal things.  They additionally  determined it was in a digital wallet.   Neither Eddie (heaven forbid) nor I use any digital wallet off our phones.  Chase explained it was scanned from a non RFD wallet or a phone and added to someone’s digital wallet.  My wallet and cards are all in an RFD safe carrier.  So, not pointing fingers, but…Eddie.  Gave him one last Christmas, but he likes the one he has.  So, will I be restless until I get home, you bet.  Do we have other credit cards, yes.  Of course, Eddie has us going to the American Embassy and having family members wire us money.  Talking about standing up in the sail boat and vigorously flapping the sails.  May all your pineapples be right side up.  

They Shoot Horses, Don’t they?

 Embarkation Day has finally arrived.  Two years of anticipation, weeks of planning and days of packing and unpacking, we are finally ready for Embarkation Day.  Two years of anticipation, weeks of planning and days of packing and unpacking, we are finally ready to board our ship…35 cruises which includes some b2b (Back to Back cruises) or more on a few different cruises lines-we sleep around.  Nothing prepared us for the chaos/riot/zoo of boarding Celebrity Constellation in Civitavecchia, Italy…and we have had some pretty wild experiences, but this one wins hands down.  It replaces being Shanghaied in China as number one.    The port is about 90 minutes from the center of Rome…our Italian driver that spoke almost no English, made it in 70 minutes.  Guess he had aspersions of being a race car driver.    Glad I did not need to go the the bathroom.  With all the cruises that originate from Civitavecchia, I was under the impression it was a well oiled machine.  Silly, me.  There was one other cruise ship in port, Celebrity Ascent.  Being newer and bigger, it took the normal cruise port berth…guess it is only one ship a day kind of port.  Our ship was assigned to a make shift area, inside the industrial port, between the Korean car carrier that was being unloaded and the Banana boat.  Throw in a couple of cargo vessels and you have our destination.  We had secured our limo (yes, you know our Eddie, Limo, it is) with the requirement that it was permitted to go into the port.  Another rookie error, no inside the port permit for your transport.  There  were tons of folks dragging their luggage from the port gates to the ship dodging off loading cars and bananas.    Not it.  A failure to plan is a plan to fail.  We have done the drag your four suitcases to a port terminal 2 blocks away before. I was patting myself on my back as we were dropped in front of the temporary embarkation bubble.  If this had been our first cruise, it might have been our last.  I think my toes were run over by several motorized scooters.  I learned a whole lot of Italian, English, German, French cuss words.  Eddie found an angry nest of cane wielding mouth breathers that told him to move the f*ck out of the way.  Wow!  I guess it true what they say about people over a certain age…no filters.  There was no one in charge, no signs, and 1,500 passengers that came early for their boarding time slots that were suppose to be coming over the next 3 hours…the other 300 were on ship as they were b2b folks.    Talk about fun.  At least our luggage arrived early afternoon.  Our traveling companions had one of their suitcases confiscated for contraband.  It took 5 hours to retrieve it, it was almost an international incident.   They have a sticker covered suitcase, and no explanation what the contraband might have been.  These folks are strict rule obeyers.  The male half of our cruising friends is also an Ed, he does not find humor in these travel moments….he makes Covid Karen look like a novice.   I kept looking for the defibrillator on the ship…and was googling the you tube video on how to use it.    24 hours later, no clue on what the contraband was. I am not sure Ed-2 will get over it.  He is still chewing on that piece of bubble gum…hard to let things go for sure.  

In cruising there are port intensive cruises-a port every day and/or cruises like this 6 days in ports, and the rest (10) are days at sea.  The staff and crew have to work hard to create moments and experiences on board ship on those 10 days.    Before leaving we signed up (and prepaid) for a Steak Tartare Hands on class the morning of our first at sea day.  10:15…and raw meat, hmmm.  Eddie is a big fan of Steak Tartare…me, not so much, but sure, I will give it a go, it is all about the Experiences.  The start time was 10:15, but we had to arrive 30 minutes ahead of time to complete yet another health form and waiver.  We were instructed to wear only long pants, closed toed shoes, no tank tops.  The waiver was kind of like the one you sign when you go white water rafting.  Lots of initial here, no filming, throwing knives and you had to be over 6 to participate.  Wow, legal really wanted to cover the various bases on this one.  Makes one wonder what made this necessary.  At 10:15 after giving everyone a glass of champagne, the 9 adults were  invited to wash our hands, and don french cooking hats and aprons (no, we did not get to keep them) and assumed our positions behind the 9 cutting board.  We were given the recipe, but each station had all of our ingredients measured out in front of us.  Our rather large raw filet was on the cutting board, with our cutting glove and rather sharp big knife…waiver and champagne should not have been in same sentence here.  Our chef led us through the various steps, to complete the recipe.  Still not sure why we could not wear capris or shorts.  Closed toed shoes, understand that one..Knife dropping and all…the “no photos” was not observed…as we all took pictures of each other in our chef attire.  We completed our experience by sitting down and enjoying what we had prepared.  Raw meat is the ultimate ice breaker.  Oh yeah, the reference to horses...Ed-2 response to our Steak Tartare class when we told them our plans was “you know, in Europe, they use Horse Meat to make Steak Tartare”.  Was that in the waiver?  Must have been the champagne. 

This is not a Holiday Inn Express

 Where to begin?  For those of you that travel internationally, hotel selection is an art form.  Of course, the internet, Expedia, and  Trip Advisor have made this a little less artsy and a little more scientific.  It is not always easy.  Booking our pre-cruise hotel always involves research on our part.  Given that Pope Francis declared 2025 a Papal Jubilee (read pilgrimage to Rome for the faithful) then the selection of an American Pope (Pope Leo), hotel selection was going to be expensive and competitive.  We booked 11 months ago.  While the American Branded hotels here are lovely and preferred (Looking at you sister, Kathy), the  competition for a room with cruisers and the faithful gives new meaning to plus, plus on room charges.  Besides Eddie does love a well researched boutique hotel.  Typically not as large as a cruising hotel, but oozes charm, history and individualized service…read advanced butt powdering.   I narrowed the selection down to a few near the Villa Borghese Park area.  It was up to Eddie to make the final selection and do the research on butt powdering.  He selected a property that was once a sprawling Villa, Vittorio Veneto.  Classic Italian rooms with stucco and mosaic touches backing up to the park, and a short walk to the inside of the old city walls.  As the Europeans like small beds, we upgraded to a Junior suite to insure at least two twins or a king sized bed.  We booked, prepaid, and secured with some effort the cruiser’s/international traveler coveted early arrival time.  Nothing says rookie like not being able to check into your room until 3:30 when they have you off the ship or plane at 8:30.  Somewhere over the summer, we received notification that our traditional luxury boutique hotel had been rebranded as nHow Roma.  A Quick Look at who that was indicated it is the same corporate entity that has the White Lotus (yes, HBO collagen lips Jennifer Coolidge, Sydney Sweeney, Patrick Schwarzenegger) property.  While we don’t watch WL, we are aware-being in the non Mouth Breathers cool old people club, and all.    Eddie was like “Yeah, Baby”.  I guess I failed to read the 200 emails they sent us about updating and refreshing, my bad.  

Fast forward to our arrival a nHow Roma at 10:30 on Wednesday morning.  We were greeted on the street level by the Valet, who directed the baggage to the bellman, and us down 7 steps to an elevator 500 feet away to the H floor for reception.  That is where traditional, luxury, historical made a true left turn into Soul Train meets 1970’s hippy college dorm room.  The reception area was purple with pink neon halos over the three reception podiums.  Forget those silly long desk with functional computers and credit card reader.  They were decorated with spider webs and large spiders, so forget a writing area.  Not sure if those where for Halloween or permanent decorations.  As the path to our junior suite was more like a maze, first time, they send someone with you.  No bag of bread crumbs to mark your trail…mental test for those of a certain age.  You  Board a pink elevator (you came down on a blue elevator-blue means exit, pink means guest rooms-again, no signs) and go from H to 1.  You exit on 1.  All the walls have been painted black, not black matte, but shiny black, with BIG pink room numbers-Like 10” each to the left of the door. Think coupon days at Micheal’s.    No braille here, folks. You walk down the corridor toward the ceiling to floor and 5 foot wide video screen flashing pictures of all the horror show classics, Psycho, the Shining, Chucky, with a few dancing skeletons and Happy Halloweens in between. We hang a left at the Bates motel and down 7 steps to the game room…Costco foosball, claw game, and two PacMan games, are next to the next set of elevators.  The elevator has a karaoke screen and instruction to dance and sing to the music like no one is watching, then post to Instagram…and has been artful overdone with pink nHow stickers kinda of like a elementary school water bottle.  Fifth floor, please.  More black and pink paint-must have been a sale. 

We arrive at our Junior suite.  There is an 8x10 sitting/living room with an open closet area.  The wood work has been freshly painted with the hot pink, the traditional Roman wallpaper is still  on the back wall.  There are hangers and some small floating shelves, refrigerator, safe and coffee bar set up, and curtains to cover the area, or get in the way of making coffee in the morning.  More on that in a minute.  On the floor of the closet is a golden half of a crab trap contraption that we have decided after much giggling is our suitcase stand.  Too bad it only comes up to our chins…which of the five suitcases will get to sleep here?  On one hand it is handy for those suitcases that must lie flat open to get into both side, on the other it is a back breaker.  The floor is the original blue, peach and burnt orange flower tile design from its previous life.  The mosaic wallpaper remains on the lower part of our living room wall, along with a full length mirror bordered in hippy flower.  Top the whole thing off with a pink velvet sleeping sofa and small white marble table and you have our living room.  

Now, on to our sleeping accommodations.  In its previously life, this room had two twin beds which fit neatly into two arches, with more Romanesque mural wallpaper.  I assume there was a nightstand that serviced both beds.  Those have been replaced with a king bed awkwardly placed between the two decorated arches.  The nightstand has been replaced with two funky rather small purple flower shaped tables. Ed’s CPAP (Snuffy) is sleeping on the floor.  The traditional lamps have been replaced with wall mounted bright halogen lamps.    There are two windows with heavy black out drapes from the previous life that have orange mosaic pattern on them.  To tie the entire look together, the ceiling has been covered with 9 or so swifts (Not Taylor, but she would have appreciated the orange touches) in flight (like Martins, I know, because old people know their birds) purplish navy stickers.  I would loved to have been at the meeting when the corporate design team pitched this to management.  There must have been wine involved.  

The bathroom is actually not bad, if you like black Italian tiles on the walls and floors.  The upgrade involved making the sink area smaller, and placing flat black rocks on it to place your things that might make a ring.  The towels a large and fluffy and not pink and the toilet works,  so all is well.

Back to the coffee serve area…a 2.5x2.5 area with the drapes covering 1/4 of the area.  Italians do love their coffee .  You have actual cup ware for either coffee or espresso. No paper cups and plastic tops here.  Italians savor a cup of coffee or espresso.   There is a Lavazza coffee machine, pods, spoons, a tea pot, carton of water and glasses. Read crowded work area.    No instructions, but I am a worldly traveler and understand non Keurig machines.  However, the plug does not work unless you press and hold the plug in while you make your cup of coffee .   So, to make coffee in the morning, I have wrapped the drape around my neck (very European) hold the plug in and pull the chrome hand to engage the pod.  Great coffee, managed to drink it and not blow it out my nose laughing when I told Eddie how I made it.  

I do not know when we have laughed so hard. We have actually hung out in the lobby/bar area to watch people that made same post cruise book error.  Average age here is 75…the looks on their faces tell us all we need to know. White Lotus Rome…nope.  At this stage of life, travel memories and a great belly life are like gold.  I hope the rest of our trip is as much fun as our stay in Rome has been.  

Happy Halloween

To Rome with Love

 With Fall finally in the air in Houston, and a Cat 5 in Gulf, we have packed our 5 bags and are bound for Rome.  We have booked a 16 day trip back across the ocean to Tampa.  So, in Pickle style I am inviting you to join me for the good, bad and ugly….and the inevitable Eddie stories.   

We typically make this “run” from Florida to our destination in the Spring, since the ships move their “assets” in the Spring to the Mediterranean.  (Don’t you love when I talk “ship”?  For people of a certain age…ultimate dirty talk.) It allows your/our bodies to adjust to the time difference in a very civilized manner….if Eddie chooses to miss bingo or an enrichment speaker for a nap, all is well.  So, why are we changing our well worn rut?  Our Portland based cruise buddies contacted us two years ago and begged us to book this TA (Transatlantic) cruise.  Eddie said, sure!  Well, a lot of water has passed under the bridge since then (read we are two years older-and all the joy that brings).  So, this should be a real study in international travel over a certain age.  We still get high marks on North American travel.  As my Mom would say, “Aging is not for sissies”.  Looking around the airport, and our plane, there is are a lot of people that have crossed over the imaginary speed bump (Peter Attia says 75) looking dazed and confused.  Eddie calls them Mouth Breathers.  Yes, you know the ones standing in the middle of the airport concourse or airplanes aisle (Eddie’s personal favorite) mouth gaping open, wondering where they were and how they got there.  Kinda like a computer/ipad/phone freezing up and you have to do a hard reset.  Once the reset is complete they shuffle on.  

We have always found people in the airport (our fellow passengers) to be the best people watching ever.  I am sure we are being watched and whispered about, too.  Goes with the territory.  There were plenty of the usually suspects.  You know fuzzy bedroom slippers to travel, support animals with their Amazon “official” support vest, large stuffed Squishmellos animals, and those that clearly do not have any notion of what the number two means.  Two as in one rolling bag or Duffle and one personal item like a backpack.  Just because Ten starts with a “T” does not mean they will allow you to board with all of those things.  Queue security personnel and gate attendants and the debate over the number two.   

Newark’s people watching was outstanding.  Most of you know our habit of using our United mileage to “purchase” or “upgrade” our tickets.  Eddie’s years of faithful Continental/United usage has given us certain lifetime status to be able to use our points for actual airline perks.  I am sure the rules will change at some point, but we enjoy that perk often.  This trip we are traveling Polaris class-they renamed First/Business class.  Why?  Well, their travel credit cards and two free United Club passes have become so popular that United had to build another United Club (major hubs only) for their highest paying customer.  Polaris.  Not as crowded, better food-you can actually get hot fresh food off of a menu.  Eddie was smitten.  One of our fellow Polaris peeps provided the best of the day in people watching.  He was traveling with his wife (or travel companion, as some of these folks do not marry, just travel together to avoid the single occupancy upcharge).  She was rather unremarkable.  He,  however, was not a normal over 70 traveler.  He had close cropped hair, dyed electric blue.  His eyes had iridescent blue contacts…kinda like the LaBuBu doll that was clipped to his belt loop. I almost went up and counted the number of pointed teeth on the guy’s plastic face, him not the doll.    If you do not know what LaBubu or Lafufu dolls…you do not have granddaughters of a certain age.  There are several websites to include Wikipedia that will give you the 411 on said craze.  Short version-this generation’s troll doll with fur,  Thanks to Lucy, I have learned the Tao of  LaBubu and know where to find them in Kingwood.  Could they be knock offs, absolutely, but they scratch her itch.  The magic number of pointed teeth (9) makes it a LaB not a LaF.  Subscribe to my newsletter for more grandparenting gems like that one.  

After two non ATC or TSA events at two major Hubs for United, we made the crossing at 35,000 feet. No drama or late planes.    While there were lots of fasten your seat belt moments-yes, there was turbulence, and the charming (insert eye roll) Italian cabin steward that felt the need to run in his finely made Italian made shoes up and down the Polaris class aisle that prevented us from using the reclining seats, two pillows, three blanks and the eye mask or bath shoes to sleep.   It also must have been his first time to use a microphone…back up, dear.  Even in Italian is was too loud, too muffled and prone to feed back. We arrived in Roma at 7:35 AM.  

Our cruise buddies tipped us off that we should follow the black arrows (Italian code for Ugly Americans) on the airport floor to the custom area.  While all arrival gates appeared to terminate in the customs area, we have been trained to look for signs that reinforce our movements.  Glad we had been tipped off or we would have been the Mouth Breathers looking for our reset button.  They also mentioned that we should take our time getting to the baggage claim carousel as the Italians are not in as  big of a  hurry as us Black liners.    Yeah, right again.  We could have had a leisurely cup of cappuccino and pastries or a gelato before making our way to the baggage claim area.  Not our Eddie, he likes to be first at the luggage shoot.  He foolishly believes that the Orange priority tags actually mean first off the plane.  Yeah, Eddie, Santa Claus is coming soon, too.