Two Toilet Tuesday

 It is Cinco De Mayo and Two Toilet Tuesday…can my social calendar be any fuller?  What is Two Toilet Tuesday, you ask?  What do you think it is, it is an Eddie story!  Nothing says Eddie story like two toilets and Margaritas.  The beginnings of this story reaches way back to Harvey days.  If you will remember, we received NFIP money for our home and furnishings after taking 18” of water (Eddie upgrades that to two feet…what is a silly little 6 inches).  I am the accountant, bookkeeper chaser of all dollar spent.  Eddie is the legal mind of the group…and a serious planner for things that are on his “want/need” list.  Harvey was no different.  He had budgeted and allocated every dollar and dime of the NFIP money.  I had a few simple requests, nothing extravagant.   First was a pin bottom hot tub, known in the business as a Salon Spa.  No bubble jets just lots of little bubbles holes in base of tub.  Second, I wanted two new toilets for the first floor that were Toto Comfort height (1.5 inches higher than classic). Nope on both accounts.  No new salon spa as that money had been designated for the nuclear reactor (pool equipment enclosure) and the toilet money for some fancy woodwork tool  storage things that were must haves on Eddie’s list.  So, I had to be satisfied with bleaching and scrubbing the two Toto Classic toilet and have the insides replaced…after all they are glazed porcelain and can be cleaned to factory new.   My 28 year old Jacuzzi was replaced with a garden tub, bubbles not included.  Insert heavy sigh here.  I could really use that tub right about now.  Fast forward to 2026 and our current state of toilet affairs.  Karma can be a real Bitch…she can bite you in the butt when you least expect it.  

One thing I learned as my mother aged was “Don’t lose hoist”.  Of course there are the lift chair, plain or fancy, that will take you from a seated position to a standing position.  We called ours Frankie, as in Frankenstein.  We had it for Ed’s 2012 knee surgeries, his 2018 back surgery…it even went on tour with other family members.  It works just as advertised.  However, once you start depending on Frankie to do the work, your own body takes a vaca. So, between my mother and Eddie’s surgeries, I was determined to keep my quadriceps in working order.  It does not take much.  Criss cross, apple sauce, your arms across your chest and use only your quads to get up and down as fast as you can 20 times.  Do it a couple times of day-it is amazing how quickly that makes it into muscle memory and strength.  

So, here we are in 2026.  My turn to be in the surgical suite.  MDA has a strong pregame with sending you to pre op PT.  Lots of dos and don’ts of getting in and out of bed, up and down off toilets and the exercises I should be doing to make sure I was ready.  Yup, my quad reps were on the dance card.  Unfortunately, my hospital stay and recovery was not exactly text book.  My muscle memory and strength both developed amnesia.  I have become reliant on a hospital side rail and potty chair arms.  Eddie sprang into action with Amazon delivering devices to make my homecoming safe and hoist free.  Shower chair, check, bidet attachment, check, Walker sans wheels, check, and the toilet lift, check.  A quick check of Amazon made me proud of Eddie as he did not select the fully electric with remote for the toilet lift…google it, is says Eddie for sure.   Just a manual one adjusted to my height.  Our living space looked more like a medical supply closet when you added our our wheeled cart of  medical supplies.  I can’t not believe how far I have come in two months.  One by one, each medical toy was taken to the attic and covered.  The bidet stayed-I have finally learned not to keep my legs open and squirt the bathroom wall.  Clean up Aisle 3.  

About 7 weeks ago, Eddie announced he was going to get a Comfort Height rebranded as a Chair Height Toto Drake toilet for my use in the master bathroom,    Instead of going to Ferguson’s, he decided he could get all the pieces from Amazon at a much more reasonable price. Eddie loves a good mental challenge.    I contacted our plumber and let him know that we would soon have a toilet to be installed in the master bathroom.  The comment section on Amazon let Eddie know he need to BOLO cracked tanks, mismatched pieces, the usual when you order heavy porcelain pieces.  Toilet number One arrive about 5 weeks ago.  George and Eddie unwrapped the toilet and placed it on the floor between the dining room and the foyer…no cracks, broken pieces.  Easy, right?    Nothing says Southerner like a toilet in your foyer.  I contacted my plumber, he said it would be first of next week.  Over the weekend, I got curious about the new Comfort Height toilet-It looked more like the Classic we had in the Master Bathroom.  Sure enough, the tape measure revealed the ugly truth.  Eddie had purchased a Classic not Chair…all the “C” must have done it.  Of course, the boxes were long gone.  So, what does Eddie do?  Pivot, all good lawyers know the need to pivot when things are not working as planned.  He decided to replace the 20 year old non Toto toilet in the Exercise room bath…seeing as how we use the Exercise room so much.  We would be an all Toto house.  He then ordered the second Chair height Toto Toilet.  I checked his homework, pushed pause on the plumber.    This Toto took a little longer than Toto #1 to arrive.  With informed delivery we knew it’s appropriate arrival time and date.  Toto #2 arrived…kinda sorta if you don’t want a toilet bowl and like one tank and one broken tank instead.  Eddie refused the broken tank, and went through the steps to speak to a human at Amazon.  30 minutes later, we were assured that our new Chair height base would be here in 10 days.  So, let’s review, I have two tanks, and one base (classic) 2 toilet seats, 2 wax rings.  Meanwhile, my muscle memory has woken up from its long nap,and decided to remember how to get up with out help.  Decided to keep my mouth shut on that little bit of information…a little too much salt in the wound for Eddie.    12 days later (Friday, 5/1) we receive the delivery of the Chair/Comfort height toilet base, and yet another tank and top.  So, for you numbers people I have 3 tanks, 2 bases, 2 seats, 2 wax rings,  4 toilet tops lined up,and destination labeled in my foyer…visible from my front door.  Our plumber came today and installed, all the toilets (hence the two toilet Tuesday).  The guts from #3 tank went to the Jack and Jill bathroom upstairs…no new toilet, just a refurb.  Flushes right everytime. My sister, Kathy, will be pleased when she comes back in June. We got a downgraded Yelp,rating based on bad Toilet flushing.     Eddie has run around with a yard stick making sure the Chair height is taller than the Classic.  It is 1.5 inches.  Silly how much 1.5 inches adds to the conversation.  What are we going to do with the orphan toilet tank?  Flower pot baby, flower pot!  What good southern household does not have a porcelain toilet part with a tomato plant or flowers growing out of it.  We will let you know when the toilet tomatoes are in full bloom.