PTTSD

 PTTSD

Yeah, you read that right, P-double T-S-D Karen speak for Post Traumatic Toilet Syndrome Disorder.  No need to go to the doctor or consult Dr. Google, I know my symptoms and it is clear that I have an advance case.  What are the recognizable symptoms, you ask?  

City sewer system vs septic tank systems - septic tanks tend to be a tad more fussy of “waste” products and require “microbial feedings” on a regular basis--while power lines are underground here in the woods (think Ice and snow) -sewers tend to be an every man for himself kinda thing. Check

One ply vs two ply - we are Charmin red mega roll folks-strong yet soft, so two ply.  The owner had provided plenty of industrial wrapped one ply, but breakthrough and length of our stay said we would be bring in some of 2020 hoarded mega rolls..as we are discriminating consumers of this necessity.  We have in the past discussed how to load said mega roll of two ply paper-Eddie has ruled we have paper roll forward…read extra sheets used on each visit.  Check

Toto vs Koehler toilets - we are potty snobs.  The Japanese learned how to do the toilet low water tanks - regardless of where it goes, once you go, one flush takes care of business…no charging for the butt hickey.  While Koehler claims you can flush a bunch of golf balls down, they must be using city sewers.  This house has four Koehler with on trend flushing handles, non city sewers… so, check. 

Plunger scavenger hunt  - most rentals have an plunger… one that is appropriate for the style toilet trap…trap being the operative word here.      It is generally located either in the bathroom, or in a highly visible location.  Behind the laundry sink, on the lowest floor,  behind the dryer and not visible when there is a stopped up toilet is not a good place. Check

Shared sewer line with main floor bathrooms (most frequently visited) and master bathroom shower-can you see where this is going?  Yup, you guessed it.  Check

Hand scraped tongue and grooved dark stained floors that serve as the ceiling for the floor below-with attracted cotton chenille fuzzy bathroom floor mats.  Check

Unfinished lower level storage room with Radon equipment, HVAC, tankless water system and the cross cross apple sauce of sewer lines that get lost in the HVAC ductwork…yay!  There are also 10 inter tubes for floating, 8 fabric beach chairs, a set of Carolina Panther cornhole games and some leftover cedar beams.  Check

When last I wrote, we were welcoming Joe to our list of Clue in the Woods characters.  Well, Joe (the plumber/handy man who Lisa had to contact while in the Bahamas) was straight out of central casting.  Mad Eyed Moody from Harry Potter must have been his brother.  His left eye was not original equipment, nor was it in the right place on his face…kinda hard to make eye contact…or take your eye off of-like a mole on someone face.  His dialect was not southern-we speak southern- this was more of Mumbles from Dick Tracy.  He had his Trump Forever red bracelet on along with some heavy duty suspenders as he had nothing in the rear…it was all up front.  To be a handy man, with a major in plumbing, we found it curious that he did not have the normal tools of the trade.  PVC pipe, yes, drain snake or toilet wax ring, not so much.  

We explained that the two main floor toilets would not clear, despite our plunging efforts as  failed to clear the clog, and we could see water (gray water, as it is referred to in the insurance industry) right below the surface of the drain in the slate tiled (read dark, even with light) shower.  Joe mumbled something about helping with the construction of this house, then disappeared downstairs to the unfinished storage room, which now had two 5 gallon-each half full with gray water— buckets under the leaking pipes and elbow joints.  As we sat in the living room, we heard a considerable amount of banging taking place underneath us.  Joe comes up and muttered in elaborate detail something that ends in the word “tampon”…to which I replied, “nope, would not have been me/us…as that ship sailed long ago.”  Back to his truck, then back down stairs, no tools mind up you, more banging, then up the steps and more mumbling and muttering that ended in “rotor router and cell signal”.  “Okay”, I said “there is a landline if you have the number”. He snapped his rubber Trump bracelet and said something about HVAC ductwork, sewer pipe and one more try.  Bang, bang bang….Followed by another go at the plunger, then a housewide “swish” occurred.  Problem solved.  Joe was on his way.  I returned to our bathroom to find the floor, 3 chenille bath mats wet and our slate shower more than just wet—-dripping and  full of wet toilet paper.  Can we get a big ewwww?    Eddie, in true Eddie form crinkled his nose and told me that would have to be cleaned up….you think?  So, guess what I got to do?  I love cleaning up these kinds of messes  and for bonus cleanup, there is the unfinished storage room, 10 floats, assorted beach chairs and cornhole game.  Glad I

I paid a damage deposit on the house, those new gorilla shelves (pressed wood) just might be refreshed/replaced.    

Can you see why I have PTTSD?  I hold my breath each time I shower or flush the toilet.  I have gone to the lower level to go to the bathroom, as Mumbling Joe told us (we think), it is a straight shot to the septic tank, no shared lines, wood floor or fuzzy white rugs,  no elbow joints, land run all the way…and I can put the seat down, lid, too.  Nighttime runs are a little tricker, but better than the alternative…just saying.  I need to get back to sleep without listen for signs of clogged toilets.      So, to circle back and demonstrate how my mind is wired…Eddie leaves the lid/seat up for a good and practical reasons-to make my cleanup less when the toilet overflows.  Our mystery game of Clue, which included the ghost flushing toilet, now might include a tampon….still think my initial guess was correct.  As she, Jalissa, had to be postponed due to the toilet drama on Friday, I will ask on Monday…maybe.